Forgiveness

What is forgiveness?

I wrestled with the question last night as I laid awake in anger at one of my coworkers. For two hours I tossed and turned, my mind racing with all the things that I could say to make that person forever regret what they did. I wanted to make them feel terrible...even though they probably already do. But I knew deep down that I needed to forgive and forget, no matter how hard it may be. I also need to apologize for my part in the situation and ask for forgiveness myself.

It will have been three days past when I see that person at work again, so what will I say?

I thought about it a lot this morning as I was walking my paper route. While I prayed, asking God to soften my heart towards my coworker, I felt the Holy Spirit move me to tears.

My coworker does not know Christ.

I am possibly the only person they may ever know who does know Christ and yet I find myself thinking the most wicked thoughts about them and cursing them under my breath. What kind of a Christian am I?

With the tears came an image of my Saviour, broken and bleeding on the cross, dying so that my sins can be forgiven and my heart be made whiter than the snow on the ground under my feet.

If my God, who sees all of my sin and to whom I turn my back on a daily basis, willingly forgives me with new grace and mercy each morning, why should I hold bitterness in my heart and not forgive my coworker?

After my paper route, I decided that this is what I will say, "Hey _________, I am sorry for the way that I reacted the other night. I was offended and could not find the strength to forgive you in the moment but now that I have prayed and asked God for help, just as He has forgiven me I have decided to forgive you and forget that the situation ever happened. God keeps no record of my wrongs so neither will I of yours. What's done is done. Are we ok now?"

Forgiveness is something that I don't deserve yet it is given to me freely. A gift that I can receive whenever I need it. I pray that God will use this situation to bring my coworker closer to knowing Him someday.

Lord please give me opportunity. Thank You.

21

When I look back at all that has happened in this past year I realize that God's grace has been magnified for me. We have walked together through a lot...
- The gradual breaking down of a significant relationship until it was completely severed.
- An amazing season of internship at the church.
- Urbana 2012.
- Becoming a church member.
- Difficult exams and assignments.
- Days and days of weariness.
- Saying goodbye to a good friend who moved away.
- Planning my work/school/church life for the Fall semester.
- Hard battles against sinful habits.
- Exciting room remodeling.
- Purchasing my first car.
- The marriage of one of my best friends.
- Sad family moments, both biological and spiritual.
The best part of this list is that God is not done walking with me! I don't know how many minutes, days, months, or years I have ahead of me but one thing I do know: my final destination is heaven, and God is with me until I get there.
      This year I want to learn to live like a citizen of heaven. Keeping in my mind the vision of myself standing before the throne of God with Jesus observing my every thought, word, and action. Would I think, speak, and act this way if I were with God? That is the question. Today begins another year of my life. How will it go? 

All the Single Ladies

Well, not all of them.
I hung out with only four amazing single ladies from my church last week and it was incredible.

These particular four ladies are women that I respect and admire for a number of different reasons:

1. They are all older than me and have proven their devotion to the Lord by their lives.
2. They are cheerful givers who encourage and care for others.
3. They are all actively serving God in the church.
4. They have attitudes of humility.
5. They are all uniquely and confidently beautiful in their own way.

The list definitely could go on but I thought these five were the most important reasons that I love these ladies. It is a privilege to spend time with them. The funny thing is that I thought that I liked hanging out with people that were the same age or younger than me, but it turns out that I really like hanging out with people that are older than me too! They have so much wisdom to offer and I love trying to soak it in when I spend time with them. :)

Praise the Lord for the Body of Christ!

Stay by Big Daddy Weave

I've seen the flash of lightening,
I've heard the rolling thunder,
I've felt the crashing of the waves...

And thought I've known Your presence and been filled with wonder,
Still there are many things that pull me away...

But don't let me go, hold me close because...

I don't want to hurt You anymore,
I don't want to waste another day cause it breaks Your heart, it breaks Your heart
When I keep walking away...

Cause You know what it means to sacrifice,
But You tell me that it's better to obey,
You've given me a thousand brand new starts,
Jesus give me what it takes to stay.
Give me what it takes to stay.

I've felt Your hand of mercy,
Through my darkest failures,
And on the other side You've covered me with grace.

And like a child lost and afraid, You come and find this runaway,
And in Your loving arms You bring me home again...

What's it gonna take to make me stay?

Cause I don't want to hurt You anymore,
I don't want to waste another day cause it breaks Your heart, it breaks Your heart
When I keep walking away...

Cause You know what it means to sacrifice,
But You tell me that it's better to obey,
You've given me a thousand brand new starts,
Jesus give me what it takes to stay.
Give me what it takes to stay.

Break my heart with what breaks Yours until You're all I'm living for,
Show me what it means not just to believe, but to remain...

Cause I don't want to hurt You anymore,
I don't want to waste another day cause it breaks Your heart, it breaks Your heart
When I keep walking away...

Cause You know what it means to sacrifice,
But You tell me that it's better to obey,
You've given me a thousand brand new starts,
Jesus give me what it takes to stay,
Give me what it takes to stay.

I need what it takes to stay, help me to stay, help me to stay, I wanna stay.