Is honesty always the best policy? I believe that it is.
The Bible certainly supports the concept:
"Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit." - Proverbs 12:17
"Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips." - Proverbs 24:26
I want to apply this concept to potential romantic relationships specifically.
To begin, some wise words my mentor once told me:
"You can't be 'just friends' with guys. Either one or both of you will always end up wanting more."
This has only proven to be true as I watch the lives of my girlfriends and experience it in my own life.
So unless you plan on dating someone, do not try to develop a close friendship with them. It will not end well. This is why it is important to be honest with your intentions and feelings toward members of the opposite sex.
While one of you might be enjoying the benefits of close friendship (i.e. attention, connection, feelings of significance), the other person might be suffering a heartache.
I'll use an example from my life to illustrate how this happens...
A few years back when I was still in Bible College, I developed a close friendship with one of the guys there. After one semester of hanging out often (more often than not in groups) he took the opportunity to tell me that he was interested in moving things forward in our relationship to dating. At that point I was freaked out because I did not have that idea in mind. My girlfriends helped me to evaluate my feelings and I told the guy that I honestly couldn't see us being more than friends. He took it pretty hard and avoided me for a while.
The next semester went by super fast and at the beginning of my second year he approached me again, wondering if my feelings had changed, and they hadn't. Now after this, both of us dated other people and graduated Bible College.
Just this past year, my guy friend and I began emailing each other again and, after a few months, he expressed his interest in dating me again. His plan was that we would continue to get to know each other more as friends for a few months, emailing and calling (things were long distance), then he would visit me and we would re-evaluate and decide where to go with things. I agreed to give things a shot but let him know that I still saw him as just a friend and would be honest with how I felt as the months went. I needed God to change how I saw my friend before I would be ready to date him. So the months flew by and we deepened our friendship, but I felt no different. Finally, he came to visit and we had a great weekend hanging out. At the end of his visit, we talked about our friendship. He expressed his interest in moving things forward, and I had to shut it down.
Why? What was wrong? I was asking myself those questions all through those past months of deepening friendship, and while I know my friend has good character and is a good-looking guy, I still didn't feel excited about dating him. There was no "heck yes!" and the peace of God was not there. Actually the thought of being in a dating relationship with this friend somehow stressed me out and I couldn't convince myself that it was a good idea. Perhaps it's as simple as I just didn't want to date him.
As you can imagine, there was some hurt felt when I rejected him for the third time. But I do not regret my decision because I was honest.
I don't think this friendship will ever be like it was before, nor do I expect it to be. Going back to the wise words of my mentor, "You can't be 'just friends' with guys." But you can (and should) be honest!
The Bible certainly supports the concept:
"Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit." - Proverbs 12:17
"Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips." - Proverbs 24:26
I want to apply this concept to potential romantic relationships specifically.
To begin, some wise words my mentor once told me:
"You can't be 'just friends' with guys. Either one or both of you will always end up wanting more."
This has only proven to be true as I watch the lives of my girlfriends and experience it in my own life.
So unless you plan on dating someone, do not try to develop a close friendship with them. It will not end well. This is why it is important to be honest with your intentions and feelings toward members of the opposite sex.
While one of you might be enjoying the benefits of close friendship (i.e. attention, connection, feelings of significance), the other person might be suffering a heartache.
I'll use an example from my life to illustrate how this happens...
A few years back when I was still in Bible College, I developed a close friendship with one of the guys there. After one semester of hanging out often (more often than not in groups) he took the opportunity to tell me that he was interested in moving things forward in our relationship to dating. At that point I was freaked out because I did not have that idea in mind. My girlfriends helped me to evaluate my feelings and I told the guy that I honestly couldn't see us being more than friends. He took it pretty hard and avoided me for a while.
The next semester went by super fast and at the beginning of my second year he approached me again, wondering if my feelings had changed, and they hadn't. Now after this, both of us dated other people and graduated Bible College.
Just this past year, my guy friend and I began emailing each other again and, after a few months, he expressed his interest in dating me again. His plan was that we would continue to get to know each other more as friends for a few months, emailing and calling (things were long distance), then he would visit me and we would re-evaluate and decide where to go with things. I agreed to give things a shot but let him know that I still saw him as just a friend and would be honest with how I felt as the months went. I needed God to change how I saw my friend before I would be ready to date him. So the months flew by and we deepened our friendship, but I felt no different. Finally, he came to visit and we had a great weekend hanging out. At the end of his visit, we talked about our friendship. He expressed his interest in moving things forward, and I had to shut it down.
Why? What was wrong? I was asking myself those questions all through those past months of deepening friendship, and while I know my friend has good character and is a good-looking guy, I still didn't feel excited about dating him. There was no "heck yes!" and the peace of God was not there. Actually the thought of being in a dating relationship with this friend somehow stressed me out and I couldn't convince myself that it was a good idea. Perhaps it's as simple as I just didn't want to date him.
As you can imagine, there was some hurt felt when I rejected him for the third time. But I do not regret my decision because I was honest.
I don't think this friendship will ever be like it was before, nor do I expect it to be. Going back to the wise words of my mentor, "You can't be 'just friends' with guys." But you can (and should) be honest!
