I'm Complicated

It must be because I'm a woman. 

Nah, I wish I could blame it on that fact but I cannot. 

I'm just not very good at communicating sometimes. They say that non-verbal communication (facial expression, gestures and the like) says a lot more than your audible words do. I truly believe that and it's proven by my texting conversations. Without the non-verbal, or even the verbal, it is easy to misinterpret while attempting to communicate. This is why I prefer most conversations to be face-to-face, especially the more "difficult" ones. 

I've had to say no to a number of guys at work who have wanted to pursue a dating relationship with me simply because they do not share my faith. 

While it may be easy for me to tell them "no" right off the bat, I have been tempted to keep thinking about some and the potential for a future relationship if they come to faith. 

Now anything is possible with God, I believe that, but I also believe that it is never in the will of God for a believer to even entertain the possibility of a romantic relationship with a non-believer. 

But the temptation is still there. I'm only human after all...The female kind...With lots of emotions and caring tendencies that just want to explode all over any guy who would dare try to approach with charm. 

The biggest, most complicated issue in this area of non-Christians asking me out is my strong feelings towards them. As if somehow I could convince them to repent and believe because I care so deeply about them. My feelings will make them follow Jesus! 

No Jessica...that's not how it works. 

You can cry all you want and beg God in daily prayer to save them, but it's ultimately going to be their decision and God's grace that will save them. 

Why, God? Why do these guys have to like me? My soul would prefer that they hate me though my flesh enjoys the attention. But I know that I must trust You because following my heart is foolish. I still pray that You would save these guys, not only from hell, but from the temptations of this world, and from the heartbreak that comes from sin. Would You also make me one who speaks Your truth in a clear, pure, and loving manner? Holy Spirit use me to further the Kingdom and proclaim the name of Jesus wherever I go, be it with my words and/or my actions. Ground me in Your truth. I don't want to be complicated. Amen

Children

I love children for a number of reasons, and a big one is that they provide me with lots of stories to share, some funny, others ridiculous, and many random...

I was babysitting three kids, all under the age of ten, and they had a trampoline in their backyard. I was supervising the two boys (ages 4 and 6) jumping on the trampoline when I heard a loud CRASH come from the kitchen. I turned my back for less than a minute to see that the girl (8) had dropped a pan on the floor while the 4 year old boy had been bounced off the trampoline by his older brother. As I picked the youngest boy off the ground and assessed his condition, the older boy ran out of the yard around the house to the front yard where I soon found him jumping and screaming on top of the family van. At this time, while I was trying to convince the boy to get down, a woman walked by with her dog and the first thing out of my mouth was, "I'm just babysitting! He's not my kid!"

Christmas season was fast approaching and, as I was organizing the toys on the shelf at work, there was a particularly enthusiastic little girl shopping with her mom. As soon as the little girl entered the toy aisle she gasped loudly and began exclaiming "OH MY GOSH!" followed by "LOOK MOM! IT'S A (insert names of various toys sold at Canadian Tire here)" This went on for about 5 minutes.

A little boy was carrying a bike horn in his hand and squeezing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I think he and his parents are deaf.

Some twins I know played hairdresser one time and one of the girls ended up with shorter hair than she wanted. When I told her it looked nice she snapped at me and said, "No it's CUT OFF!"

One of the high school students that participates in drama for the kids at church on Sunday morning had just finished one of his scenes and a little 7 year old girl beside me told me, "His voice is sooo adorable!"

When I was 4 I had a friend over (also 4) and it was early spring and we were playing in my backyard. Before I know it my 2 year old brother is butt-naked in the kiddie pool (which had nothing but a tiny mud puddle in it). I ran and reported the scene to my mother with tears streaming down my face and when she asked my brother what he was doing he promptly replied, "I'm smimming!"

I asked a 5 year old boy to tell me a joke. He thought really hard about it for a few seconds and then his eyes lit up and he said, "JOKE!"

A 9-year-old girl I was babysitting wanted me to paint her nails. She first had me "try out" the colours she liked on my nails and then proceeded to have me paint the same multicoloured pattern on her own nails. Then she smiled and said, "Now we're twins!"

I was sitting on the floor watching a number of children play together when all of the sudden I hear, "Oh it didn't work that good." A couple of 7 year old girls were standing behind me with an open lip gloss container and they were looking at me with concerned looks on their faces. "It didn't make your hair pretty!" One of the girls blurted out. It took a few washes for me to get the light pink sparkly sticky substance out of my hair.

Those stories are the only ones I can think of at the moment but having babysat and worked with the kids at church for so many years, I can't help but love them!