Though I can distinctly remember sitting on the couch in the living room praying with my Dad and asking Jesus to come into my heart when I was four, I cannot confirm that my faith was genuine then.
I grew up attending Hillsdale Baptist Church and I was taught biblical truth. I understood through my elementary school years that I needed to do my best to "live like a Christian" and share my faith with those around me but I was not very motivated. Little me had yet to discover what a relationship with God and faith was really about.
My first real challenge began in grade 4. I recited a speech about palomino horses in front of my class and I felt pretty good about it. Perhaps too good, because I was not prepared for what was coming in the next four years. Grade 5 speeches came around and the teacher wrote a list of names on the board in the order for speech presentations. When my name was called, I got up in front of the class and froze. Then tears began rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't speak. The teacher suggested that I sit down and try to calm myself so I could try again later. Long story short, I ended up having to do my speech for only the teacher because I could not present it to the class.
To this day I cannot explain why I was not able to speak in front of my classmates. It was not that I did not desire to, nor was it because I was afraid. But nonetheless I still froze and cried for the next two years of speeches. Then came grade 8.
That was the year I decided that I was not going to cry no matter what. I was going to say my speech in front of the class. Confidence seemed to prevail until I stood up to speak and then history repeated itself. I was angry. Angry because I was embarrassed and because I did not know what to do. Then I got the best advice of my life.
One girl, who was not a Christian, asked me if I had prayed before doing my speech. I hadn't. How humbling that God would use this girl to remind me to ask Him for help.
So I prayed. Then I said my speech with a new confidence in front of the class. That was the moment that my faith became real.
Now here is why:
1. My ultimate purpose is to glorify God.
2. I realized then that I cannot do life successfully on my own.
3. By acknowledging my need for God through prayer, glory was His when I said my speech.
From that day on I knew that I could no longer claim any talents or good things I have done as my own, but it has been because of God that I am able. My body is kept alive because of Him as I recognize that I cannot control my heartbeat.
I am made more aware every day how important it is that my faith in God never stops growing.
After all, He speaks loudly through His Word...
"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies - in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."
- 1 Peter 4:7-11
