"I'm Thankful"

One of my best friends usually responds to the question "How are you?" with "I'm thankful," no matter what her circumstances are.

I admire this friend a lot and so I want to brag about her a bit.

She recently had major jaw surgery which put her in the hospital for three days and had her very sore and swollen by the time she was allowed to go home. 

Tears filled my eyes when I saw her on the day she got home because I knew she was in a lot of pain but yet filled with the joy of the Lord as she told me through swollen lips and a wired jaw, "I'm thankful," when I asked her how she was doing. Though she couldn't smile with her mouth, I saw it in her eyes as she thanked me over and over for coming to visit. 

Tonight I went to visit her again and she is recovering very well. "How are you?" I asked. "I'm thankful," she replied. Despite feeling nauseous from swallowing blood clots and drowsy from her medication, her thankfulness and joy remain full.

I've always known her to be a typically joyful person but it is especially encouraging to see the Holy Spirit consistently filling her with joy and also strengthening her through tough circumstances.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I have been weak this week. Failing to acknowledge God in the midst of my unpleasant circumstances. He has used my friend to teach me and remind me that I have much to be thankful for.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" 

- 1 Chronicles 16:34

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:56-57

Magnify by We Are Messengers

I've been trying to make sense of the sorrow that I feel
Holding on for life to the only thing that's real
I've only scratched the surface
I've barely had a taste

But just a glimpse draws my heart to change
And one sight of You lays my sin to waste
I don't need to see everything
Just more of You

Take it all, take it all away
Magnify no other name
Open up, open up my eyes to You

My sight is incomplete and I made You look small
I've been staring at my problems for way too long
Realign where my hope is set
Until You're all that's left

But just a glimpse draws my heart to change
And one sight of You lays my sin to waste
I don't need to see everything
Just more of You

Take it all, take it all away
Magnify no other name
Open up, open up my eyes to You

God be greater than the worries in my life
Be stronger than the weaknesses in my mind
Be louder, let Your glory come alive
Be magnified

Be magnified

I Am Nothing by Jeremy Camp

It seems I'm always in this place,
Where the things I seem to take
Are the things I wish would fade.
I always purpose in my heart,
Well to do things the right way,
Then I realize I'm still clay
And this piece that's being shaped
Will be a beauty You create.

I am nothing without Your love.
I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough.
I'm completed by Your touch,
But I feel like I've been giving so much
So I thank You, I thank You.

I wouldn't even face
All the troubles of the day
If it wasn't for Your grace.
Sometimes I even wait
To see if I'm awake,
Seems so good I can't relate.
And Your every word I crave,
And I'm grateful for every breath I take.

I am nothing without Your love.
I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough.
I'm completed by Your touch,
But I feel like I've been giving so much
So I thank You, I thank You.

When I'm feeling all my shame,
You won't let it stay.
I sail away into Your love.
I'm taking every day,
To give my life away,
It's the only way I know.

I am nothing without Your love.
I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough.
I'm completed by Your touch,
But I feel like I've been giving so much
So I thank You, I thank You
Lord I thank You, I thank You.

Why I Gave Up Facebook

Most people who know me or have tried to find me online know that I do not have Facebook. What they may not know is that I used to. If you're wondering why I no longer have a profile, I'll let you in on a personal story...

Once upon a time, 15-year-old Jessica had Facebook. She had a few Facebook friends, one of which was a boy whom she thought she might have a crush on. This made Jessica excited and so she messaged this boy back and forth on Facebook as often as she could until one day...she had to stop.

Now Jessica's dad is a pretty amazing guy and has quite a lot of wisdom that he does not hesitate to share with her, especially when it comes to boys. He found Jessica messaging this boy one day and instructed her to "shut it down" which means to stop all online contact. Jessica then sat at the computer while her dad helped her to delete her email account which automatically also deleted her Facebook. Though she has since created a new email address, Facebook continues to lack her profile.

It was not that the messages sent between myself and that boy through Facebook were inappropriate in content. They were simply fuel for a fire that did not need to be started at that point in our lives. I am now thankful for my dad's intervention and I never did date that boy though I thought it was destined to be at the time.

Since then, I have come across a number of reasons why I will never again open a Facebook account:

1. It tempts me to seek attention and glorify myself.
- An article I read today, read it here if you're interested, regarding social media in general does a great job of summarizing this point. I quote, "It is the subtle temptation to use social media to brag. Scripture speaks against seeking out one's own glory (Proverbs 25:27). Intention is a matter of the heart, but the heart is deceitful. It could be virtue that motivates a person to comment...or to post a selfie. But then again, it could be vice. I hope Christians are introspective about their own motivations and mindful of the subtle dangers of self-exaltation given the convenience and the audience provided by certain social media sites."

2. It tempts me to make relating with others impersonal.
- To use my story as an example, I almost never spoke to that boy other than online. I have also noticed that guys will often use social media to communicate with a girl they are interested in rather than get to know her face-to-face in real-life settings. The article I mentioned above says that, "A choice to forgo social media may simply be a choice to invest the time otherwise spent online in more direct, personal, and intimate social engagement." I want to make it a habit to have intentional face-to-face time with my friends and family rather than using texting as the primary mode of communication or wasting time checking pinterest or playing games on my phone. The struggle is real.

3. It creates conflict.
- A couple of my friends in high school got into a "silent" fight because one of them forgot to message the other back and they refused to talk to each other face-to-face about it. One other kind of conflict that comes to mind is a priority conflict. I used to check Facebook constantly and I spent more time on it than I spent reading my Bible and praying during those months. Never again.

4. It tempts me to sin.
- Whether it be lust, coveting, or profanities that dishonour God, Facebook has a way of posting unwanted materials all over its pages. I experienced this when my Facebook friends would post things (not all of them were Christians) and they would appear on my wall. Sometimes the content was offensive and I had to work to remove it from my wall on a consistent basis lest someone see it there and judge me accordingly. Also, as much as removing it would solve part of the issue, the main thing was that I had been exposed to something that polluted my mind rather than renewed it (Romans 12:2). If I have a choice, I will not give the world more opportunities to discourage me and cause me to stumble.

Now that I have listed some of my reasons for staying off of Facebook, I know that there are many good reasons to have it and I know lots of people who are using it well and in a God-honouring way. One example is a woman I know with a photography business who uses Facebook to help advertise and gain clients and she does a wonderful job! For me, however, knowing my weaknesses and having poor experiences with it in the past, I will choose to abstain from Facebook.

Other forms of social media such as Snapchat and Instagram have also influenced this post as many people have told me that "I should get" these things. My answer? I look at my reasons listed above for not getting Facebook and I ask myself these questions:

- Would having more social media help me to bring more glory to God?
- Would it encourage me to use my time wisely?
- Would it help me to draw more attention to God than myself?

If I answer these honestly, no, I cannot add more social media to my life. This blog is more than enough for me and I desire to use it to honour God as best as I can.

Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am  changing: less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

Something to Treasure

For the past few Christmases (spell-check says it's a word), I have tried to get my family something thoughtful. Something they will use. Something that says, "Jessica knows me."

The typical go-to gifts have been:

- Food (mostly sweets)

- Socks (who knows what happens to them every year?)

- Underwear (why not?)

- Movies (typically only watched once, maybe twice)

- Christian books (usually end up added to my personal collection)

- Gift cards (last resort)

I probably will stick to this list again this year except for one thing.

Something I want to help inspire my family to do is to help push each other to read the Bible more and communicate what we are learning in order to "encourage one another and build one another up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and also stand with Job in saying "I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food" (Job 23:12).

I want us all to understand the importance of God's Word and live like we believe what it says. Of course this requires the Lord to work in our hearts to help change our attitudes and motivations but there are things we can do to help the process along.

So here's my idea and it involves two items:

1. A notebook

2. A "treasure" box

The notebook is for each member of our family to write in every day one thing, either a verse or a short sentence describing something they learned from what they read in the Bible, for the others to read and be encouraged by. 

The "treasure" box simply holds the notebook and hopefully we will regard it as a treasure as we see what each other is reading and learning from Scripture.

I will present this on Christmas morning but if any of my family reads this before then, hopefully they can look forward to it with great anticipation as I am!

My Room

It's dark in this room.
The blackness has no ending and no beginning.
In the atmosphere there is a heaviness.
It is hard to breathe.
I want out.
But I cannot move.

"Who can say, 'I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin'?" - Proverbs 20:9
"Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins." - Ecclesiastes 7:20
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," - Romans 3:23

A flicker of light appears in the distance.
I can see two people and one of them glows.
They are not in the same room as I am.
A candle is handed to the other person by the glowing One.
The candle is placed in one corner of the room.
Parts of the room remain dark.

"But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the LORD because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication." - Micah 7:7-9
"Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus," 
- Acts 3:19-20

More and more candles are added to the other room.
It is almost completely lit.
I hear singing.
My vision fades to black and silence settles in.
I wonder who the glowing One was.
Those who enter my room are covered by the darkness.

"An evil man is ensnared in his transgression, but a righteous man sings and rejoices." 
- Proverbs 29:6
"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." - Romans 7:18-23

Hateful whispers from the dark beings echo around me.
Alone is all I have felt in this place.
Longings have never been fulfilled.
The sound of a faint knock rings in my ears.
A familiar and yet new noise.
I beckon and the glowing One enters.

"Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day" - Proverbs 23:17
"Is is not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come? Why should a living man complain, a man, about the punishment of his sins? Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!" - Lamentations 3:38-40
"Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace might also reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." - Romans 5:18-21

A candle is held out to me.
The darkness retreats with its hateful beings and I can move freely.
I place the candle in one corner and the light uncovers a mess.
Another candle is offered but I hesitate to take it as I am shameful.
Eventually I accept the second candle and I notice something.
He has already seen the entire room.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:23
"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labour is not in vain." - 1 Corinthians 15:56-58
"And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account. Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:13-16

Placing the second candle permanently reveals more of the room.
More filth is uncovered and the glowing One offers me another candle.
Overwhelming is the mess in view but I am not expected to clean it alone.
He bends down and begins tidying up my room and calls me to join.
The other person I saw before enters and also helps us clean.
I will continue this cleaning for the rest of my life and also help others as I follow the glowing One.

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin." - 1 John 1:7

Sick and Tired

When I am sick and tired I will often say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Usually I need to sleep more when I am sick, simply because my body insists that I need more rest in order to fight off whatever sickness ails me. Most times I have been resistant to that needed rest and have unwisely motivated myself to ignore the need and continue to live life as if I was not sick.

Once again, I am stubborn.

But I slept 12 hours two nights ago. I can't remember the last time I slept over 10 hours before that. It was not that I wanted to sleep for 12 hours...I actually intended to get a long list of tasks done that evening but a 20 minute nap turned into a full on 12 hour state of extreme comatose.

Now I know I am sick with a cold, but I did not expect it to tire me out as much as it has. I was in constant prayer at work yesterday asking the Lord to sustain me and give me strength because I felt as though I could faint at any moment.

This morning I had good intentions to get a lot of things done but I have been hindered by a lack of energy, cold sweat, and a pending dizziness that hits me when I stand up.

I ask myself, "How is God glorified if I am rendered almost useless in my current state?"

Then I remember that Jesus said, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" I can therefore say with Paul, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

So I will go to work today boasting in the power of Jesus as He strengthens me to carry out my tasks despite my weakness. May He be glorified.

Heart Check

A while ago I posted a little bit of what Scripture says regarding the heart. (Read here)

"But my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts, to follow their own counsels." - Psalm 81:11-12

I am stopped in my tracks at the words of this verse because I know that I have a stubborn heart that wants what it wants and it will hold tightly to its desires, whether those desires are right or wrong.

Yesterday a number of good conversations happened which helped reveal to me where part of my heart has been at lately, and I need God to break my stubbornness and give my heart completely to Him.

One friend I had not seen in a while came to visit for the weekend and I was able to have lunch with her and a mutual friend who was hosting her. Our conversation was regarding relationship struggles. All three of us women agreed that we desire to be pursued, loved, and secure in that love. We also agreed that Jesus ultimately and perfectly fulfills all three of those things for us. The problem arises when our hearts seek after the affection of imperfect man for security in place of what Jesus has already offered. Having been married for a while, one friend said that it is often tempting in her marriage to seek security from her husband. Marriage does not solve our heart issues. She spoke to the two of us single women and reminded us that we need to find our full satisfaction in Christ, for He is the well that will never run dry and He bids us to come. "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." - John 6:35

Another conversation yesterday evening was with a friend whom I have not talked to in over a year due to some conflict resulting in tough love. She told me that things had changed in her life and I wanted to hear what had happened. I was anticipating this conversation for over a month and was not sure how it was going to go but I can say that I left it with great joy in my heart. As I mentioned above, it is tempting to seek for security in mankind and it is a daily battle to resist that temptation. My friend had been clinging to someone who did not share the same beliefs as her and I, having done the same in my own life, tried to lovingly convince her to let go because she was not honouring God with her relationship. She told me yesterday the story of her boyfriend's conversion and why she believes he is sincere. I want to rejoice with her because I believe that God could have worked in her boyfriend and is the cause for his noticeable life change. But she did tell me that she often wonders what would have happened had she let go. Only God knows the answers to these kinds of questions.

Through these conversations I see that my stubborn heart has held onto the affection of man and still desires it very heavily for security. I want God to change this in me, and I need Him to change me for His glory. I want to obey the words of the LORD spoken by the prophet Samuel. "Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you." - 1 Samuel 12:24

I have spent way too much time seeking after the things of this world and catering to my flesh while God calls me to seek after Him and receive His blessings which are far greater than anything the world could offer.

Paul prays in 2 Thessalonians 3:5, "May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ."

Amen.

Purposeful

As I sit here and think about how the last week and a bit in Israel has affected my mind and heart, many things are yet to be processed but one thing stands out above the rest.

In Luke 8:26-39 is a story about how Jesus went to the country of the Gerasenes across the Sea of Galilee and healed a man possessed by many demons. This man was chosen by Jesus. Jesus freed him from his burdens and then told him to go and tell. There was then a great purpose behind this revealed as the man went and proclaimed throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.

We visited that place and saw the tombs and I thought about this story a lot.

What did I take away from this experience and reflection?

Jesus has chosen me.

Jesus has freed me.

I am called to go and tell others about Jesus, fulfilling my great purpose.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."
- 1 Peter 2:9