I'm Complicated

It must be because I'm a woman. 

Nah, I wish I could blame it on that fact but I cannot. 

I'm just not very good at communicating sometimes. They say that non-verbal communication (facial expression, gestures and the like) says a lot more than your audible words do. I truly believe that and it's proven by my texting conversations. Without the non-verbal, or even the verbal, it is easy to misinterpret while attempting to communicate. This is why I prefer most conversations to be face-to-face, especially the more "difficult" ones. 

I've had to say no to a number of guys at work who have wanted to pursue a dating relationship with me simply because they do not share my faith. 

While it may be easy for me to tell them "no" right off the bat, I have been tempted to keep thinking about some and the potential for a future relationship if they come to faith. 

Now anything is possible with God, I believe that, but I also believe that it is never in the will of God for a believer to even entertain the possibility of a romantic relationship with a non-believer. 

But the temptation is still there. I'm only human after all...The female kind...With lots of emotions and caring tendencies that just want to explode all over any guy who would dare try to approach with charm. 

The biggest, most complicated issue in this area of non-Christians asking me out is my strong feelings towards them. As if somehow I could convince them to repent and believe because I care so deeply about them. My feelings will make them follow Jesus! 

No Jessica...that's not how it works. 

You can cry all you want and beg God in daily prayer to save them, but it's ultimately going to be their decision and God's grace that will save them. 

Why, God? Why do these guys have to like me? My soul would prefer that they hate me though my flesh enjoys the attention. But I know that I must trust You because following my heart is foolish. I still pray that You would save these guys, not only from hell, but from the temptations of this world, and from the heartbreak that comes from sin. Would You also make me one who speaks Your truth in a clear, pure, and loving manner? Holy Spirit use me to further the Kingdom and proclaim the name of Jesus wherever I go, be it with my words and/or my actions. Ground me in Your truth. I don't want to be complicated. Amen

Children

I love children for a number of reasons, and a big one is that they provide me with lots of stories to share, some funny, others ridiculous, and many random...

I was babysitting three kids, all under the age of ten, and they had a trampoline in their backyard. I was supervising the two boys (ages 4 and 6) jumping on the trampoline when I heard a loud CRASH come from the kitchen. I turned my back for less than a minute to see that the girl (8) had dropped a pan on the floor while the 4 year old boy had been bounced off the trampoline by his older brother. As I picked the youngest boy off the ground and assessed his condition, the older boy ran out of the yard around the house to the front yard where I soon found him jumping and screaming on top of the family van. At this time, while I was trying to convince the boy to get down, a woman walked by with her dog and the first thing out of my mouth was, "I'm just babysitting! He's not my kid!"

Christmas season was fast approaching and, as I was organizing the toys on the shelf at work, there was a particularly enthusiastic little girl shopping with her mom. As soon as the little girl entered the toy aisle she gasped loudly and began exclaiming "OH MY GOSH!" followed by "LOOK MOM! IT'S A (insert names of various toys sold at Canadian Tire here)" This went on for about 5 minutes.

A little boy was carrying a bike horn in his hand and squeezing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I think he and his parents are deaf.

Some twins I know played hairdresser one time and one of the girls ended up with shorter hair than she wanted. When I told her it looked nice she snapped at me and said, "No it's CUT OFF!"

One of the high school students that participates in drama for the kids at church on Sunday morning had just finished one of his scenes and a little 7 year old girl beside me told me, "His voice is sooo adorable!"

When I was 4 I had a friend over (also 4) and it was early spring and we were playing in my backyard. Before I know it my 2 year old brother is butt-naked in the kiddie pool (which had nothing but a tiny mud puddle in it). I ran and reported the scene to my mother with tears streaming down my face and when she asked my brother what he was doing he promptly replied, "I'm smimming!"

I asked a 5 year old boy to tell me a joke. He thought really hard about it for a few seconds and then his eyes lit up and he said, "JOKE!"

A 9-year-old girl I was babysitting wanted me to paint her nails. She first had me "try out" the colours she liked on my nails and then proceeded to have me paint the same multicoloured pattern on her own nails. Then she smiled and said, "Now we're twins!"

I was sitting on the floor watching a number of children play together when all of the sudden I hear, "Oh it didn't work that good." A couple of 7 year old girls were standing behind me with an open lip gloss container and they were looking at me with concerned looks on their faces. "It didn't make your hair pretty!" One of the girls blurted out. It took a few washes for me to get the light pink sparkly sticky substance out of my hair.

Those stories are the only ones I can think of at the moment but having babysat and worked with the kids at church for so many years, I can't help but love them!

Refocus

These past two weeks have been difficult. I've done a lot of stupid things. Even while knowing that God is everything that I need and that He knows what is best, I have once again inched my way toward the line of worldliness. But God has had mercy on me once again. Extremely thankful that He will never let me go, I repented and have been working to refocus.

I am loved by the Creator of the universe, and I would dare to think about throwing it all away for the "love" of man?
May God help me to never think that way again.

My Dad told me an analogy about three pop cans: The first one is perfect, never opened, not damaged in any way, whole. The second is as if it is about to burst, both top and bottom pushed to the limit. The third has exploded completely, crushed beyond repair. Some Christians have learned what it means to be content, to know that God is their everything, and they rest in that. Others are desperately clinging onto things of this world, desires of the flesh, and are finding themselves under increasing pressure. And still others have collapsed under the pressure and have given up on God altogether.

These past couple of months I know that I have been the second pop can and I want so desperately to be the first pop can. I want to be confident in the Lord and humbly living out what I believe. But I recognize that this is impossible without the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. I need to learn to listen and obey. To come out of the cold, dark, unloving freezer of the world and humbly allow God to thaw me out and reshape me in His loving arms.

And so I pray...

Holy Spirit, living Breath of God,
Breathe new life into my willing soul.
Bring the presence of the risen Lord
To renew my heart and make me whole.
Cause Your Word to come alive in me;
Give me faith for what I cannot see;
Give me passion for Your purity.
Holy Spirit, breathe new life in me.

Holy Spirit, come abide within;
May Your joy be seen in all I do--
Love enough to cover ev'ry sin
In each thought and deed and attitude,
Kindness to the greatest and the least,
Gentleness that sows the path of peace.
Turn my striving into works of grace.
Breath of God, show Christ in all I do.

Holy Spirit, from creation's birth,
Giving life to all that God has made,
Show Your power once again on earth;
Cause Your church to hunger for Your ways.
Let the fragrance of our prayers arise.
Lead us on the road of sacrifice
That in unity the face of Christ
Will be clear for all the world to see.

- Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

Dear Friend

I have to admit that the day I met you I was unsure of...well...anything and everything about you really. I did not know you and I did not interact with you much but I knew that I liked you. I still do by the way...

Now as the years went by and we conversed a bit more I discovered that you were vaguely familiar with my best friend, but not completely convinced about Him. This knowledge caused me to struggle. In fact I've since struggled with my emotions and have been earnestly pleading with God in prayer about you. 

I am consistently reminded that there are very few things that I can do to encourage you towards one day choosing to be best friends with my best friend too. 

What is it about my best friend that scares you? Is He too demanding, too unaccepting, too complicated? Well, to tell you the truth, He is all of those things and more, but you must know the reasons why He is the way He is. 

My best friend is Jesus Christ, and He is Lord of my life.

He is too demanding in a sense because we as mere humans can never live up to His standards on our own. 

He is too unaccepting for us because we are sinners and He, being holy, cannot stand the presence of sin.

He is too complicated because He is God, and we cannot possibly understand everything about Him.

And yet He is also NOT too demanding, too unaccepting, or too complicated. How?

We deserve to die for breaking God's laws but instead Jesus died in our place and made a way for us to someday be in heaven with Him. So Jesus is not too demanding because, with His power, we are capable of following all of His commands. He is not too unaccepting because anyone and everyone who repents of their sin and chooses to follow Christ will be saved from eternal punishment and welcomed into heaven and given eternal life. He is also not too complicated because He has revealed to us everything we need to know in the Bible. 

I know that I cannot convince you to believe in any of this, my friend, but I hope that you would consider a few things...

Do you think I'm smart? If so, do you think I would waste my time being a Christian and trying to convince you to be one too if I did not KNOW the truth?

Also, do you think that going to church is sketchy because it might cause you to consider becoming a Christian? And what would be wrong with that?

Finally, do you trust me enough that I would not try and get you involved in something that would be more harmful than beneficial to you?

I understand the fear that you have about the changes that God requires you to make in your life should you choose to follow Him. I will be honest that it is not an easy choice to make, and it is not an easy life to live by any means. My friendship with you speaks volumes to this as you have poked fun at my beliefs on a number of occasions. But yet the loving care that I have for you has only increased over time because I know that eternal life is worth the extra effort. 

I know that you do not enjoy my discussing these matters with you at this point but I hope that someday you would come to church and/or at least explore the truth for your sake. I continue to intercede for you in prayer, whether you want me to or not, because I am stubborn and care too much about you and want you in heaven with me.

Your friend, 

Jessica

I Like Sushi

Now that is quite the understatement because I LOVE sushi! I maybe eat it only four or five times a year but it is a treat every time. Today I went with a few of my close friends to I Like Sushi, a place that serves sushi and also has a large Chinese buffet. Great food in general. You can see the delicious morsels of sushi displayed below...

Now when you arrive at an all-you-can-eat sushi place such as I Like Sushi, it helps to be familiar with what you are ordering and how much you and your friends can eat because if you do not finish everything you order, you pay for the leftovers on top of the base rate. This particular time my friends and I ordered way too much (this is not the first time this has happened either) and my stomach seemed to get more and more angry at me as more sushi rolls appeared on the table. By the time we all felt absolutely stuffed to the max, there were just a few little pieces of sushi left and we were tempted to do this...

But we didn't. Congrats to my friends for eating so much sushi! We got more than double of what we payed for for sure :). Despite feeling like a bloated tonne of bricks, I still LOVE sushi.