I'm Complicated

It must be because I'm a woman. 

Nah, I wish I could blame it on that fact but I cannot. 

I'm just not very good at communicating sometimes. They say that non-verbal communication (facial expression, gestures and the like) says a lot more than your audible words do. I truly believe that and it's proven by my texting conversations. Without the non-verbal, or even the verbal, it is easy to misinterpret while attempting to communicate. This is why I prefer most conversations to be face-to-face, especially the more "difficult" ones. 

I've had to say no to a number of guys at work who have wanted to pursue a dating relationship with me simply because they do not share my faith. 

While it may be easy for me to tell them "no" right off the bat, I have been tempted to keep thinking about some and the potential for a future relationship if they come to faith. 

Now anything is possible with God, I believe that, but I also believe that it is never in the will of God for a believer to even entertain the possibility of a romantic relationship with a non-believer. 

But the temptation is still there. I'm only human after all...The female kind...With lots of emotions and caring tendencies that just want to explode all over any guy who would dare try to approach with charm. 

The biggest, most complicated issue in this area of non-Christians asking me out is my strong feelings towards them. As if somehow I could convince them to repent and believe because I care so deeply about them. My feelings will make them follow Jesus! 

No Jessica...that's not how it works. 

You can cry all you want and beg God in daily prayer to save them, but it's ultimately going to be their decision and God's grace that will save them. 

Why, God? Why do these guys have to like me? My soul would prefer that they hate me though my flesh enjoys the attention. But I know that I must trust You because following my heart is foolish. I still pray that You would save these guys, not only from hell, but from the temptations of this world, and from the heartbreak that comes from sin. Would You also make me one who speaks Your truth in a clear, pure, and loving manner? Holy Spirit use me to further the Kingdom and proclaim the name of Jesus wherever I go, be it with my words and/or my actions. Ground me in Your truth. I don't want to be complicated. Amen

Children

I love children for a number of reasons, and a big one is that they provide me with lots of stories to share, some funny, others ridiculous, and many random...

I was babysitting three kids, all under the age of ten, and they had a trampoline in their backyard. I was supervising the two boys (ages 4 and 6) jumping on the trampoline when I heard a loud CRASH come from the kitchen. I turned my back for less than a minute to see that the girl (8) had dropped a pan on the floor while the 4 year old boy had been bounced off the trampoline by his older brother. As I picked the youngest boy off the ground and assessed his condition, the older boy ran out of the yard around the house to the front yard where I soon found him jumping and screaming on top of the family van. At this time, while I was trying to convince the boy to get down, a woman walked by with her dog and the first thing out of my mouth was, "I'm just babysitting! He's not my kid!"

Christmas season was fast approaching and, as I was organizing the toys on the shelf at work, there was a particularly enthusiastic little girl shopping with her mom. As soon as the little girl entered the toy aisle she gasped loudly and began exclaiming "OH MY GOSH!" followed by "LOOK MOM! IT'S A (insert names of various toys sold at Canadian Tire here)" This went on for about 5 minutes.

A little boy was carrying a bike horn in his hand and squeezing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I think he and his parents are deaf.

Some twins I know played hairdresser one time and one of the girls ended up with shorter hair than she wanted. When I told her it looked nice she snapped at me and said, "No it's CUT OFF!"

One of the high school students that participates in drama for the kids at church on Sunday morning had just finished one of his scenes and a little 7 year old girl beside me told me, "His voice is sooo adorable!"

When I was 4 I had a friend over (also 4) and it was early spring and we were playing in my backyard. Before I know it my 2 year old brother is butt-naked in the kiddie pool (which had nothing but a tiny mud puddle in it). I ran and reported the scene to my mother with tears streaming down my face and when she asked my brother what he was doing he promptly replied, "I'm smimming!"

I asked a 5 year old boy to tell me a joke. He thought really hard about it for a few seconds and then his eyes lit up and he said, "JOKE!"

A 9-year-old girl I was babysitting wanted me to paint her nails. She first had me "try out" the colours she liked on my nails and then proceeded to have me paint the same multicoloured pattern on her own nails. Then she smiled and said, "Now we're twins!"

I was sitting on the floor watching a number of children play together when all of the sudden I hear, "Oh it didn't work that good." A couple of 7 year old girls were standing behind me with an open lip gloss container and they were looking at me with concerned looks on their faces. "It didn't make your hair pretty!" One of the girls blurted out. It took a few washes for me to get the light pink sparkly sticky substance out of my hair.

Those stories are the only ones I can think of at the moment but having babysat and worked with the kids at church for so many years, I can't help but love them!

Refocus

These past two weeks have been difficult. I've done a lot of stupid things. Even while knowing that God is everything that I need and that He knows what is best, I have once again inched my way toward the line of worldliness. But God has had mercy on me once again. Extremely thankful that He will never let me go, I repented and have been working to refocus.

I am loved by the Creator of the universe, and I would dare to think about throwing it all away for the "love" of man?
May God help me to never think that way again.

My Dad told me an analogy about three pop cans: The first one is perfect, never opened, not damaged in any way, whole. The second is as if it is about to burst, both top and bottom pushed to the limit. The third has exploded completely, crushed beyond repair. Some Christians have learned what it means to be content, to know that God is their everything, and they rest in that. Others are desperately clinging onto things of this world, desires of the flesh, and are finding themselves under increasing pressure. And still others have collapsed under the pressure and have given up on God altogether.

These past couple of months I know that I have been the second pop can and I want so desperately to be the first pop can. I want to be confident in the Lord and humbly living out what I believe. But I recognize that this is impossible without the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. I need to learn to listen and obey. To come out of the cold, dark, unloving freezer of the world and humbly allow God to thaw me out and reshape me in His loving arms.

And so I pray...

Holy Spirit, living Breath of God,
Breathe new life into my willing soul.
Bring the presence of the risen Lord
To renew my heart and make me whole.
Cause Your Word to come alive in me;
Give me faith for what I cannot see;
Give me passion for Your purity.
Holy Spirit, breathe new life in me.

Holy Spirit, come abide within;
May Your joy be seen in all I do--
Love enough to cover ev'ry sin
In each thought and deed and attitude,
Kindness to the greatest and the least,
Gentleness that sows the path of peace.
Turn my striving into works of grace.
Breath of God, show Christ in all I do.

Holy Spirit, from creation's birth,
Giving life to all that God has made,
Show Your power once again on earth;
Cause Your church to hunger for Your ways.
Let the fragrance of our prayers arise.
Lead us on the road of sacrifice
That in unity the face of Christ
Will be clear for all the world to see.

- Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

Dear Friend

I have to admit that the day I met you I was unsure of...well...anything and everything about you really. I did not know you and I did not interact with you much but I knew that I liked you. I still do by the way...

Now as the years went by and we conversed a bit more I discovered that you were vaguely familiar with my best friend, but not completely convinced about Him. This knowledge caused me to struggle. In fact I've since struggled with my emotions and have been earnestly pleading with God in prayer about you. 

I am consistently reminded that there are very few things that I can do to encourage you towards one day choosing to be best friends with my best friend too. 

What is it about my best friend that scares you? Is He too demanding, too unaccepting, too complicated? Well, to tell you the truth, He is all of those things and more, but you must know the reasons why He is the way He is. 

My best friend is Jesus Christ, and He is Lord of my life.

He is too demanding in a sense because we as mere humans can never live up to His standards on our own. 

He is too unaccepting for us because we are sinners and He, being holy, cannot stand the presence of sin.

He is too complicated because He is God, and we cannot possibly understand everything about Him.

And yet He is also NOT too demanding, too unaccepting, or too complicated. How?

We deserve to die for breaking God's laws but instead Jesus died in our place and made a way for us to someday be in heaven with Him. So Jesus is not too demanding because, with His power, we are capable of following all of His commands. He is not too unaccepting because anyone and everyone who repents of their sin and chooses to follow Christ will be saved from eternal punishment and welcomed into heaven and given eternal life. He is also not too complicated because He has revealed to us everything we need to know in the Bible. 

I know that I cannot convince you to believe in any of this, my friend, but I hope that you would consider a few things...

Do you think I'm smart? If so, do you think I would waste my time being a Christian and trying to convince you to be one too if I did not KNOW the truth?

Also, do you think that going to church is sketchy because it might cause you to consider becoming a Christian? And what would be wrong with that?

Finally, do you trust me enough that I would not try and get you involved in something that would be more harmful than beneficial to you?

I understand the fear that you have about the changes that God requires you to make in your life should you choose to follow Him. I will be honest that it is not an easy choice to make, and it is not an easy life to live by any means. My friendship with you speaks volumes to this as you have poked fun at my beliefs on a number of occasions. But yet the loving care that I have for you has only increased over time because I know that eternal life is worth the extra effort. 

I know that you do not enjoy my discussing these matters with you at this point but I hope that someday you would come to church and/or at least explore the truth for your sake. I continue to intercede for you in prayer, whether you want me to or not, because I am stubborn and care too much about you and want you in heaven with me.

Your friend, 

Jessica

I Like Sushi

Now that is quite the understatement because I LOVE sushi! I maybe eat it only four or five times a year but it is a treat every time. Today I went with a few of my close friends to I Like Sushi, a place that serves sushi and also has a large Chinese buffet. Great food in general. You can see the delicious morsels of sushi displayed below...

Now when you arrive at an all-you-can-eat sushi place such as I Like Sushi, it helps to be familiar with what you are ordering and how much you and your friends can eat because if you do not finish everything you order, you pay for the leftovers on top of the base rate. This particular time my friends and I ordered way too much (this is not the first time this has happened either) and my stomach seemed to get more and more angry at me as more sushi rolls appeared on the table. By the time we all felt absolutely stuffed to the max, there were just a few little pieces of sushi left and we were tempted to do this...

But we didn't. Congrats to my friends for eating so much sushi! We got more than double of what we payed for for sure :). Despite feeling like a bloated tonne of bricks, I still LOVE sushi. 

A Noteworthy Prayer

The following is a prayer of a man named Moses, known as the man of God. I call this a noteworthy prayer because of the contents. See how deeply Moses knew God and how he describes the relationship between God and his servants (Moses included)...

"Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations. 

Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

You return man to dust and say, 'Return, O children of man!'

For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night.

You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream, like grass that is renewed in the morning: in the morning it flourishes and is renewed; in the evening it fades and withers.

For we are brought to an end by your anger; by your wrath we are dismayed.

You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.

For all our days pass away under your wrath; we bring our years to an end like a sigh.

The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty; yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away.

Who considers the power of your anger, and your wrath according to the fear of you?

So teach us to number our days so that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Return, O LORD! How long? Have pity on your servants!

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil.

Let your work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their children.

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!" - Psalm 90

As I read this I noted a few things:

- Moses first acknowledges God as Lord and "our dwelling place in all generations" which displays his understanding that God is omnipresent or everywhere all at once.

- He then talks about how God has no beginning and no end and is our Maker who is in control of what happens to us and when.

- Moses also reveals that God is all-knowing, and he knows all the wrong that we've ever done. Nothing is kept secret from Him. It is true that not many people consider the power of God or his anger towards sin.

- Moses pleads with God to help us to be wise in our days here on earth and to have pity on those who would be servants of God. We suffer because of sin and we should long for the joy and gladness that only comes from God as he has offered forgiveness to us without price.

- The last few lines in this prayer of Moses discuss the work of God and our work here on earth. The work should be synonymous all for the glory of God.

In summary, I make this prayer my own as I begin another year of school. I want the work of my hands to be what God would have me do. I want to make every day of my life count, gaining wisdom from the truth of God's Word every morning as I live. I want to know the way that God feels when I sin against him so that I may hate my sin enough to turn from it. Most of all I want to see the power of God, I want him to return in all of his glory soon. May my Lord strengthen me as I seek to do his will. 

Reflection

When I look in the mirror I know what I see.

Do other people see what I see when they look at me?
Does that even matter?

I want people to see Jesus when they look at me.

But when I look at me I see a broken human being who is increasingly thankful for the grace of God because she is a sinner.

I want to be more like Christ but obedience is difficult.

My flesh searches after and yearns for everything this world has to offer while my soul cries out to the Lord for rescue from this path of destruction.

What will it take for me to stay on the path toward righteousness?

I spent some time this morning singing a song. I've posted the lyrics here.

This song is close to my heart as it speaks well of my longing to stop walking away from God and stay in His presence and choose to obey.

Nothing is better than that.
I've been there before and it is the best place I can be but I  have to choose to be there. I have to fight against myself to get there and fight harder to remain.

I need to stop looking in the mirror and turn my eyes towards Jesus.
Nothing and no one else matters more.

Dealing with Stress

I have denied ever feeling stressful in the past but I can't deny it anymore. Stress is actually happening. At this point in my life I am waiting for my clinical schedule and hoping that I can work enough hours to make ends meet during the year and also have time to commit to church ministry and soccer.

That's not all.

Things may or may not have fallen apart at work this week as someone very significant was let go. This puts my scholarship at risk which means I may have to job hunt for the first time in my life.

Stop...

God will provide. He has always been faithful and he will continue to be. If I have to struggle for a while, I can trust it is for a good purpose.

Right now I need to humble myself and realize that my life is not ultimately about me. It is about Jesus Christ and his glorification. He is the reason that I live. The reason that I will live forever. He is my Saviour. I owe everything to him.

Breathe. God is in control.

"You're Crazy!"

This is a phrase I hear on a regular basis and I'm fairly certain that it is meant in a good way most of the time when people say it although I guess it would depend on who said it, how they said it, and the circumstance in which they said it...

For example:

If I were to tell someone I wanted to jump off a bridge and someone said, "You're crazy!" in an excited sounding tone they probably were meaning to say something more like "That's stupid!" or maybe even "Awesome! Count me in!" though the latter is not likely for most people I know. But what about sarcasm??

Hold everything.

Sarcasm? What even is sarcasm? The dictionary defines it as: 1. harsh or bitter derision or irony. 2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.

Oh...I know that when I call someone crazy (or any other seemingly rude adjectives) I am most often being sarcastic...but is that ok?

The Bible commands us to tell the truth. "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." - Proverbs 12:18 and after all, "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment." - Proverbs 12:19

Probably the worst part about sarcasm is that you are telling the truth but pretending it's only a joke. At least that's how my sarcasm works and therefore how I read other people's sarcasm. 

It's bad because I say something that is hurtful and then try to downplay it and basically try to convince the person that I was "just kidding" like "jk guys" and hope that they don't take the harsh words to heart.

I can't ever take back what I say, so why am I so quick to speak? Scripture says, "let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak..." - James 1:19 

May the Holy Spirit work within me to help me to stop being sarcastic. I want to be known as someone who speaks the truth in love or keeps her mouth shut.

I may be crazy, and in a lot of different ways too! But I want to be the good kind of crazy. Someone who is crazy because she is full of joy and seeks to bless others. Someone God would smile upon.

Family

- noun
"a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not" and/or "a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together" (dictionary.com)

Family is so much more to me than what the dictionary says about it.

I was reminded today about how important family is and I realize that I am not thankful enough for how God has blessed me with and through my family.

First, I have a fantastic father. I call him daddy, papa, dad, and sometimes other embarrassing names that I am lucky he tolerated well :). I cannot say enough good things about my father, I have no doubt that he loves me and I would not trade him for any other father in the world. He's mine. Even though I may joke about being adopted sometimes, I (and many other people) know that I am my daddy's daughter. Though he has a great sense of humour and a pleasing personality, the best thing about my dad is the fact that he is a godly leader who loves Jesus. He knows his role as the head of our household and he takes it seriously. My dad has always worked hard to provide for his family but his reliance on the strength of the Lord, he will tell you, is the reason he is able to do so. When I look at my dad I see self-sacrifice, patience, perseverance, but mostly love. True love. Jesus love.

As my dad and mom are a team, I must acknowledge my mother next. She is truly marvelous. I can't think of many people who serve more than my mom does. I have watched and experienced her constant giving of herself for others. For example, every morning my mom gets up before everyone else and makes sure that we all have what we need for the day. She makes lunches for those who need it, gets dad his coffee, and makes sure that details are taken care of before the day begins. My mom also volunteers her time out to help with school events, encourage friends, and serve at church. Those who see my mom surely see an amazing, beautiful, woman and marvel at her fear of the Lord. She is the perfect team mate for my dad and I am truly blessed to have her as my mother.

I also have four younger siblings who are all unique and special in their own ways as God has designed them. All have servant's hearts and I am privileged to watch them as they learn how to love God through serving others. They provide me with opportunities to learn and grow as I seek how to best love and serve them as their older sister.

I will admit that the biological family does present challenges, but all are minimal compared to the support and love that far outweigh the struggles. I wouldn't trade my family for the world and I want to someday (Lord willing) raise a family similar to the one my parents have raised.

Ephesians 5:22-6:4, Proverbs 23:22; 23:25; 29:15; 30:17

My second family is the body of Christ. The brothers and sisters that God has brought into my life who also have faith in Jesus. I cannot talk about how many ways that the family of God has encouraged and shown me love in my life. One recent example of this love was demonstrated by a girlfriend/sister of mine who gave me $100 when I was really feeling the need for a break. With this money I was able to bless another friend of mine when she came to visit for part of the week. I could also talk about how we serve one another as a big family both at and outside our Sunday morning church services. It brings me great joy to see so many people putting themselves aside for the sake of others and enjoying doing so because Christ has filled them with love and compassion for those in need. The many kids programs, men's and women's caregroups, friendship club for the disabled, youth group, and many other ministries are jam packed with volunteers fueled by the love of Jesus. I am never without a family member who will encourage me, challenge me, pray for me, and just love me as I am.

2 Corinthians 13:11, Galatians 6:1-10, 1 Thessalonians 5:12-24

More than anything I want to share what God has given me with this broken world.

All around me families are broken. Divorce. Loneliness. Abuse. Hatred. Mistrust. Disrespect. Those are but few of the words which describe and contribute to broken families. Why must we let sin destroy what could be?

I beg that God would mend the brokenness. That this world would soon be made new. All pain and suffering will end someday and I pray that that day comes soon. But until then may the power of Jesus continue to lighten the darkness of this world and may families thrive in his name for his glory!

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation." - Psalm 68:5

Care

I just finished my last clinical shift for this year of nursing school and if there's one thing that I've learned over the past month, it's that I need to care. The best nurses are the ones who truly know what it means to care.

You can tell how much someone cares by how they live their life.

For example, someone who cares about getting high grades in school is going to study hard just as someone who cares about their dog is going to feed it, walk it, bath it, etc.

If you were to look at my life and make a list of the things I care about, you might write the following:

- Friendships
- Church
- School
- Canadian Tire
- Running
- Soccer
- Sleep/Eating

It is not a very long list at all but it is the things that I have as top priorities in my life at the moment.

That's not what it should be.

I want the list to look more like this:

- Jesus
- Other people
- Everything else

What is it going to take to change? The grace of God.

I've proven over and over that I don't put Jesus first the majority of the time in my life but when I do, those days are the best days.

God help me to care about you more than anything else in this world because I know that if I put you first, everything else will naturally fall into it's rightful place.

Why...Everything?

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to ask questions, but there is one word in particular I like to use that poses as a question all by itself: why?

I wouldn't say that I am someone who does a lot of intentional sitting and thinking, but I know that my mind is always filled with questions, so I thought it might be useful to take some time to jot down some significant Q&As that I have had over the past 22 years of my life.

I'll start with some whoppers (or Big Macs...depending on your personal preference):
1. Why am I here? 
Honestly, for the longest time I didn't know the answer to that question. I mean, I knew I was here for a reason, some purpose, but I just didn't know. I thought maybe I was supposed to grow up to be just like my Mom (which I would love because my Mom is awesome!), or maybe I'm just supposed to do whatever it takes to be happy, or perhaps I am supposed to just take what life throws at me, leaping into every available opportunity and see what happens.
But God has shown me the meaning of purpose: "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well...in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." - Psalm 139:14-16 God has always had a plan for my life, from before I was born until the end of eternity. "For we are his workmanship, created in Jesus Christ for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10 He gives me purpose. "The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble." - Proverbs 16:4 He gives everything and everyone purpose. "'Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created." - Revelation 4:11 We are created for the glory of God and to worship him alone. Everything in my life should be based on that fact. That's why I am here.

2. Why should I obey God?
This is a tricky one to answer from the human perspective because we are all inherently naturally wired to want to have complete control over our own lives. I know that I need to answer this question for myself on a daily basis because it's so easy to forget and just do what I want because I want to. Human nature often gets the better of me but here's what's important to know: "Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?...For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:16,23 So one main reason I choose to obey God, or be a slave of obedience as the verse reads, is because I want to be righteous and gain eternal life rather than be a slave to sin which leads to death. "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him." - John 3:36 "He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury." - Romans 2:6-8 Well I don't know about anyone else, but I choose life! "The reward for humility and fear of the LORD is riches and honour and life." - Proverbs 22:4 There are other perks for choosing to obey or fear God, this is but one of countless examples in Scripture. "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell." - Matthew 10:28 I know that I am often too concerned with pleasing the human race because I'm afraid of being an outcast, I'm afraid of offending others, I'm afraid of failing in front of people...and the list goes on from there but Jesus calls me to fear God and not to worry about what other people think. If I am living in obedience to him alone, opinions of the human race shouldn't matter because I can trust in God's perfect truth to tell me what is right.

3. Why is it so hard to follow Jesus?
The simple answer to this is because we are only human and Jesus is God. But the Bible sheds some light on this as well. "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33 As a follower of Christ, Jesus speaks to me in this verse. He encourages us that, despite the fact that we will have tribulation or trouble in the world, he has overcome it and offers us peace in the midst of the hard times. "Whoever says 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked." - 1 John 2:4-6 Just reading that passage makes being a follower of Christ seem impossible because no human being can possibly obey the entire Bible! The standard that God has for those who claim to believe in him is unreachable. But it is that way for a reason. "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire." - 2 Peter 1:3-4 So in the midst of our sinfulness, God saves us. We cannot be perfect and holy in order to meet the standards of God but he promises to provide everything we need to get to heaven. The struggle is in trusting him to provide as we press on in faith. "But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." - 1 Timothy 6:6-10 One of the biggest issues in our world is with money. Everyone needs money for survival but we often find ourselves wanting more than we need. It is true that the richest people in the world are far from happy. We think we know what will make us happy, but God knows that we are happiest when we are most satisfied in him. This is but one of the many examples of human struggle mentioned in Scripture. In summary, it's hard to follow Jesus because everything we are naturally is in contrast to what God wants us to be and we have to fight against ourselves to follow Christ.

Haters Gonna Hate

I'm proud of those who will not associate the title with a certain Taylor Swift song, but the statement is true.

I sit convicted.

People at my work place do not hate me.

At least I assume they don't.

Or they just don't express their indwelling hatred.

Let me explain...

Yesterday's sermon at church was on John 15, a very challenging passage in Scripture.

Verse 19 says, "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

Definition: "the world" refers to everything and everyone who is in opposition to Jesus Christ.

I have been friends with the world lately on a number of levels and it is really starting to weigh heavily on my soul.

I try hard to impress the world, to fit in, to be liked and wanted by it.

Why is that such a craving?

I'd like to use the simple answer and say that it's just because I'm human but I know that it's more complex than that because I am a human who has been saved by Jesus Christ who has overcome the world and who gives us the power to do the same.

I am met with the challenge every day to hold firm to what I believe and live it out before the world. But sometimes I mess up. I get caught up in the demands of the day and forget what my purpose is: to be a light.

But back to the haters. I know that some of the people I associate with are part of the world. They claim to believe in Jesus, but not His Word. They claim to love Jesus, but hate what the Bible says.

This is a problem. A BIG problem.

You cannot claim to believe in or love Jesus Christ because He is inseparable from Scripture. You either take all of Him and His Word, or none of it.

These people in my life I still love, despite their efforts to convince me that they are right and God is wrong. They may not hate me as a person, just what I believe.

I pray that someday they see that God is God and there is no other. That they would take Him at His Word and believe ALL of it.

I am just a human. I cannot convince another human of the truth. So I pray for mercy.

God Is With Us

I thought I was going to fail a class this past semester.

It was a really hard class to study for, and the class average was proving it.

I went into the final this past Wednesday with a 48 and had to get at least 52 on the final to pass.

The final came and went after 24+ hours of studying and lots of prayer and I felt terrible about it. I counted the multiple choice questions that I knew I had gotten correct and the tally was a mere 30 out of 120. 

So many thoughts were going through my head:

What if I fail? This class was a two-semester course which means I paid over $1000 for it and if I fail it would be a waste of God's resources that He has entrusted to me. 

What about my work? They agree to pay 40% of my tuition fees and if I failed this class I'd have to explain it to them and not get reimbursed. 

Lots of people at church know I'm in my second year and if I fail this class, they might challenge me to be less busy so I can focus on school more.

I would be pushed back a whole year of my program and have to take the class again...

The negative thoughts didn't end there, but I remembered that God is faithful and even if I did fail, it would still be ok. Life would go on, I could take some third year courses and maybe even some fourth year ones while I work full time to make some progress. While I attempted to gain some comfort from planning for failure, the negative thoughts still overwhelmed me to the point of tears. God doesn't want us to be discouraged (Deuteronomy 31:8). He wants us to trust Him. I tried my best while waiting for the marks to get back and they finally came Saturday.

My classmates love to text when marks are posted and, although I was checking at every chance I got, they still managed to inform me via text after I was done work. I tried to remain calm while checking my phone for the marks and I swiped the final page to reveal the outcome...I PASSED!!

Some of my co-workers witnessed my outburst of uncontrollable joyful shaking and celebrated with me even though they didn't know the situation...but I praised Jesus in their presence nonetheless.

I mean 53 is not a mark to brag about but it means that I got at least 60% on the final exam which I'm sure was impossible for me without God. 

Lots of friends and family were praying for me during this time and I appreciate you all! 

I am even more convinced now that God wants me to be a nurse and I know that I can trust Him to get me through the toughest classes for His glory. 

Heading into Spring semester, I know there are things that have to change in my life and I'll call them lessons I learned that require application:

- Time with God needs to come first everyday.

- I need to start exercising (and training for the 1/2 marathon I signed up for).

- Snacking must be a healthy need.

- Diligence is required for homework and studying.

- I need to do my best at all things for the glory of my gracious heavenly Father.

How to Date to Get Married

I discovered the following article yesterday and found it to be quite insightful, you'll find my response to the article below the link:

http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2015/how-to-date-to-get-married

From my childhood until a few years ago males, apart from my father and brothers, were not close friends of mine. I was (and still am in a lot of ways) one of those girls who just could not attract the attention of males even though I wanted it. My Dad told me in my high school years that I'm an intimidating person, an "off-limits" girl to most guys because they (rightly) presume that I have high moral standards and high standards for the guys I date. Now, while I like to think that I have reasonable standards or expectations for the guys that I date, not many guys have taken the risk to ask me out and I often wonder why?

I have only ever dated two guys.

The first one knew that I liked him because I made it very obvious and so I believe that helped him to feel confident enough  to ask me out. I had taken away the element of risk and I also ended up, to my dismay, leading much of the relationship in trying to pursue my boyfriend instead of letting him pursue me. I broke things off just shy of a year because things just weren't working. I had unrealistic expectations and was expecting this guy to change to fit my list of qualities. I did not appreciate him for who he was and other people who were observing our relationship agreed that things were not going well.

I met my second boyfriend on a blind date. If we had not been set up, I am not sure that this guy would have chosen to pursue me or that I would have said, "yes," to a date. I decided to give this guy a chance by trying to get to know him and, unfortunately, he was not what I expected. Unrealistic expectations again? I do not think so in this case because many of the people whom I respect and look to for advice were telling me to break things off so, after just about three months of dating, I did.

I have turned down a few guys on the strict basis that they were not Christians when they asked me out, but I have to say that I am impressed that they took the risk to ask.

I have tried to make sure that when I date I am doing so for the purpose of finding a spouse. This makes my interactions with guys limited and/or very difficult to manage. When I meet a guy, one of the first things I try to figure out is whether or not he is a Christian (a.k.a. follower of Christ). If so, I watch how he lives and decide that, if he were to ask me out, I will agree to get to know him. If he is not a Christian, I will decide that we will never be more than friends (unless he comes to faith) and if friendship blossoms, to use that as an opportunity to live out my faith and hopefully one day share the gospel with him. All that being said, I don't hang out with guys one-on-one and rarely in groups. I work with many guys and that is the most interaction that I have with non-family members of the opposite sex. These friendships are the hardest because I often find myself being drawn to their attention and attempting to impress them for my glory instead of focusing on glorifying God. It's a battle against sinful nature that I must learn to fight so as not to become the very things I detest.

If I do ever date again, I will try my best to put aside my list of "ideals" and focus on the person I am dating and evaluating our relationship while keeping the goal of a God-glorifying marriage in mind.

God may not call me to marriage, and that's ok. If He does, I want to be able to say with the author of the article (and my future spouse) that my reason for getting married is, "We loved each other, sensed God drawing us together, and wanted to live life with one another...Really, that's the only reason anyone should get married. Not because marriage is the fulfillment of some personal goal or life plan, but because God is calling you to love another person as Christ loves us - sacrificially and unconditionally."

Every Day Is Unique

It's true.

Just think about it...yesterday wasn't like today and you won't relive any of your days tomorrow.

So how are you making your days count?

Apart from the potential seriousness that could arise from the above question, let me tell you a bit about my day today...

I woke up with the intention of getting up early so that I could work but instead of taking a flying leap out of bed at 5:30am, I decided to press snooze until 6:07am. After cuddling my fluffy dog for an extra 5 minutes, I finally dragged myself out of my warm sleeping space into the cool, brisk air of my basement dwelling and further woke myself up with a shower. Time was then 6:30am. I finished putting mousse in my hair and touching up my make-up and so gracefully galloped up the stairs to search the kitchen for breakfast food items to satisfy my hungry stomach. Options were limited as the time was ticking so I poured myself a bowl of Strawberry Special K with about a 1/2 cup of extra added fibre, which supposedly makes you feel fuller for longer. Then I ate a chocolate chip cookie which had been baked the night before by yours truly. So with my hunger and sugar craving both successfully depleted, I grabbed my work essentials, which consisted of cookies, keys, and my water bottle, and I headed out the front door to my car because I had previously failed to arise in time to walk to CT.

I shall skip the 11 hours of work with a 40-minute lunch break somewhere in the middle because something more memorable and exciting happened today...

After arriving at home at about 7:15pm, I quickly made myself a roast beef sandwich and looked out the kitchen window. My oldest brother was attempting to start a fire in our fire bowl when all of the sudden I heard a commotion. A flame had hit the dead grass surrounding the pit and a small forest fire was growing and spreading in our backyard. I heard my brother say a calm, cool, and collected, "uh oh" before sprinting as fast as humanly possible into the house to grab the garden hose. If I wasn't trying to help put out the blaze, I would have video-taped it. It was quite the scene. Recipe for a backyard forest fire: Apparently my brother had tried to lightly sprinkle some gas onto the fire to make it burn faster but ended up lighting the gas can and then spilling it onto the grass. Missed the deck by 1 inch! The fire was out in less than 2 minutes but it left a nice, black, water-and-gas-soaked spot on the lawn.

Now I realize that a day like today will probably never happen again because my brother will most likely never try to start or fuel a fire in our backyard with gasoline again...hopefully.

Back to the seriousness from the beginning. There were a few key things missing from my day today, one of which was some time devoted to God. Let today be a lesson to me. I need Jesus. If I am claiming that He is who I live for, I need to prioritize in a way that proves my claim.

Thankfully, "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

Here I Am by Jeremy Camp

You are waiting for us to move.
There is so much more, deeper than I've ever known, and known before.
When we draw near, I see the mysteries of who You are.

Reveal my heart to be renewed until nothing's left but You, only You.

Here I am.
Falling to my knees I'm crying out again.
Jesus take me deeper than I've ever been.
Lord here I am.
All of me.
Reaching to the places that I cannot see.
Desperately I need You to move me.
Here I am.

You are waiting for me to see.
All of who You are, God you are so patient with me.
Day after day, come living water, let me drink from Your amazing grace.

Reveal my heart to be renewed until nothing's left but You, only You.

Here I am.
Falling to my knees I'm crying out again.
Jesus take me deeper than I've ever been.
Lord here I am.
All of me.
Reaching to the places that I cannot see.
Desperately I need You to move me.
Here I am.

Let the things of earth lose their hold on me.
Let Your river flow, You are breaking me free.
I will lift my hands in Your presence God.
Make me like You are.

Here I am.
Falling to my knees I'm crying out again.
All of me.
Reaching to the places that I cannot see.
Desperately I need You to move me.
Here I am.

Here I am, everything surrendered.
I am Yours, nothing else that matters.
Laying down every one of my fears.
God won't You, God won't You move me.
Here I am

Salvation

A question came up in our house the other day...can a born-again Christian lose their salvation?

While many other issues brought up about the Christian faith are debatable, this one is not. Scripture gives us a clear answer. A loud, resounding, and glorious "NO!"

Listen to the answer given by John Piper via the link below:

http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/can-a-born-again-christian-lose-salvation

Romans 8:30 - "And those whom he predestined he also called, and those who, he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 - "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

1 Corinthians 1:8-9 - "who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."

Jeremiah 32:40 - "I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me."

Philippians 1:6 - "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Let us not forget that salvation isn't about us and our ability to "act saved." It is all about our God and his faithfulness to both save us and sustain us in our faith until the end.

But what about those who live like they've been saved and then seem to lose their faith?

1 John 2:19 - "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us."

Hebrews 3:14 - "For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.."

Sometimes I question my faith. Especially when I find myself sinning over and over again. Am I really saved?

After discussing with a few of my close friends, I believe that I am saved. There are a few verses in the Bible that confirm this for me personally.

Romans 10:9 - "because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Romans 7:14-15 - "For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

Two things give me confidence: I believe that Jesus rose from the dead and can say that, "Jesus is Lord." I also hate sin, despite the fact that I am a sinner.

The more I try to be a good Christian in my own strength, the more I fail. I pray that God would help me to lean on him in my weakness, for that is where I am strong.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Is honesty always the best policy? I believe that it is.

The Bible certainly supports the concept:
"Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit." - Proverbs 12:17
"Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips." - Proverbs 24:26

I want to apply this concept to potential romantic relationships specifically.

To begin, some wise words my mentor once told me:
"You can't be 'just friends' with guys. Either one or both of you will always end up wanting more."

This has only proven to be true as I watch the lives of my girlfriends and experience it in my own life.

So unless you plan on dating someone, do not try to develop a close friendship with them. It will not end well. This is why it is important to be honest with your intentions and feelings toward members of the opposite sex.
While one of you might be enjoying the benefits of close friendship (i.e. attention, connection, feelings of significance), the other person might be suffering a heartache.

I'll use an example from my life to illustrate how this happens...

A few years back when I was still in Bible College, I developed a close friendship with one of the guys there. After one semester of hanging out often (more often than not in groups) he took the opportunity to tell me that he was interested in moving things forward in our relationship to dating. At that point I was freaked out because I did not have that idea in mind. My girlfriends helped me to evaluate my feelings and I told the guy that I honestly couldn't see us being more than friends. He took it pretty hard and avoided me for a while.
The next semester went by super fast and at the beginning of my second year he approached me again, wondering if my feelings had changed, and they hadn't. Now after this, both of us dated other people and graduated Bible College.
Just this past year, my guy friend and I began emailing each other again and, after a few months, he expressed his interest in dating me again. His plan was that we would continue to get to know each other more as friends for a few months, emailing and calling (things were long distance), then he would visit me and we would re-evaluate and decide where to go with things. I agreed to give things a shot but let him know that I still saw him as just a friend and would be honest with how I felt as the months went. I needed God to change how I saw my friend before I would be ready to date him. So the months flew by and we deepened our friendship, but I felt no different. Finally, he came to visit and we had a great weekend hanging out. At the end of his visit, we talked about our friendship. He expressed his interest in moving things forward, and I had to shut it down.
Why? What was wrong? I was asking myself those questions all through those past months of deepening friendship, and while I know my friend has good character and is a good-looking guy, I still didn't feel excited about dating him. There was no "heck yes!" and the peace of God was not there. Actually the thought of being in a dating relationship with this friend somehow stressed me out and I couldn't convince myself that it was a good idea. Perhaps it's as simple as I just didn't want to date him.

As you can imagine, there was some hurt felt when I rejected him for the third time. But I do not regret my decision because I was honest.

I don't think this friendship will ever be like it was before, nor do I expect it to be. Going back to the wise words of my mentor, "You can't be 'just friends' with guys." But you can (and should) be honest!

Living Word by Jeremy Camp

In this life there is one guarantee
This broken world will only leave me empty
But there's a life that healed my heart
And it holds firm when I'm falling apart

I will stand on the truth in the living Word of God
Cause every time it moves my soul and shapes my every thought

It's alive in me
The very breath I breathe
I'm holding on with all I've got to the living Word
The living Word of God
The living Word of God

I can't survive on bread alone
I hunger and I thirst for your Words that give me hope

I'll stand on the truth in the living Word of God
Cause every time it moves my soul and shapes my every thought

It's alive in me
The very breath I breathe
I'm holding on with all I've got to the living Word
The living Word of God

Speak into me now
Your voice is all I'm craving

All the freedom I have found
In the living Word of God

I will stand on the truth in the living Word of God
Cause every time it moves my soul and shapes my every thought

It's alive in me
The very breath I breathe
I'm holding on with all I've got to the living Word
The living Word of God

Amazing Ministry

First, watch this video:

http://www.wimp.com/robbertears/

I was extremely encouraged by that lady.

I want to meet her but if I don't before either one or both of our lives on earth are over, I know that I will see her in heaven.

I long for ministry opportunities just like that one. It's hard to live out your faith in a radical way when life seems so "normal." I mean, every day is drastically different in every possible way from another but crazy opportunities like what happened to that lady don't happen often, if ever, to most people. I will not discount the opportunities that God has given me to share my faith with others, I just haven't had anyone react in the same way that the lady claims the man who tried to rob her did. I wish I could see the Spirit working, moving, changing people's hearts. Changing my heart.

The video mentions that this lady's story is being spread, and I am again in wonder at how God uses these situations to bring glory to His name. This lady was not looking for attention, but she took her opportunity to minister and God has blessed her through it and has used it for bigger impact than I'm sure she expected.

As this lady has done, we as Christians are all called to spread the gospel message:

"For 'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'"

- Romans 10:13-15

Yes, Lord. Send me. Amen.

Never Gonna Let Me Go by Kristian Stanfill

Once, I was lost, wandering in darkness
No life inside, no hope in sight
But He called my name, and He healed my blindness
Set me ablaze, now I'm alive with

His love breaking through my heart of stone, love breathing to awake my bones
Love reaching out to save my soul, love never gonna let me go

And now my heart, so full of worship
I can't hold back, I can't contain it
For all he's done, Jesus my Saviour
I am ablaze and full of thanks for

His love breaking through my heart of stone, love breathing to awake my bones
Love reaching out to save my soul, love never gonna let me go
Love calling me as I am, love making me new again
Love lifting me when I can't, love never gonna let me go

Wherever you've been, whatever you've done
Come as you are, come into His open arms
Wherever you've been, whatever you've done
Come as you are, come find His

Love breaking through my heart of stone, love breathing to awake my bones
Love reaching out to save my soul, love never gonna let me go
Love calling me as I am, love making me new again
Love lifting me when I can't, love never gonna let me go

His love breaking through my heart of stone, love breathing to awake my bones
Love reaching out to save my soul, love never gonna let me go
Love calling me as I am, love making me new again
Love lifting me when I can't, love never gonna let me go
Love never gonna let me go, love never gonna let me go

Wherever you've been, whatever you've done
Come as you are, come into His open arms
Wherever you've been, whatever you've done
Come as you are, come find His love

Worship

What does it mean to worship God?

Scripture says:

"Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness." - Psalm 29:2

"Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness;
tremble before him, all the earth!" - Psalm 96:9

"And Jesus answered him, 'It is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.'" - Luke 4:8

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth." - John 4:23-24

"We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him." - John 9:31

"I appeal yo you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." - Romans 12:1

As I have been on various music worship teams over the years and have another opportunity to be on worship team tomorrow morning at church, worship has been on my mind.

We are continually reminded as members of the worship team to be in worship in every part of our lives, not only on stage on Sunday morning.

Looking at the Scriptures listed above, I would summarize that true worship is submitting myself to the Lord and serving Him whole heartedly in everything and acknowledging Him for who He is, giving Him all the glory.

Too often I find myself being a worshipper of self. Doing what I please instead of seeking to please the One who has given me life.

Today I failed to worship God. I was frustrated at work and decided to let my frustration affect my conduct. Instead of focusing on the Lord and His love for me, I focused on the negative situations happening at work and I operated with a negative attitude.

I would like to say that I have a reputation for being full of joy at work, but I know that it was a little stained today. After getting a text message from one of my coworkers, which expressed their concern that I seemed upset at work and they felt guilty because they had made a comment to me which they believed caused me to be angry, I realized that I had not operated in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ today. I quickly apologized to my coworker for my negativity and reassured them that the comment had been forgotten and forgiven.

May God continue to work in me to make me a better worshipper no matter what kinds of situations life brings my way.

Let me follow the perfect example of Christ Jesus and be a light to the world. - Philippians 2:1-18

Don't Worry

Ever since I wrote my last final exam on December 19th, the one I dreaded because the class was super hard and I was going into the exam with a 54, I was trying not to worry.

There were many things I was tempted to worry about such as:
- would I be allowed to continue in my program next semester if I failed?
- what would I do with my life if I couldn't continue?
- would I have to take the class again next year?
- what would the people who know me think of me if I failed?

I'm sure there were more things to add to that list but I decided to pray and trust the Lord to help me through the waiting period.

Waiting was hard. The marks were supposed to be posted last Tuesday but they weren't posted until Friday.

*breath of relief*

I passed!

Now when I look back on the situation I see God's provision. He wants me to be a good steward of everything that He has given me so why would He allow my effort and His money to be wasted? I know that all situations do not turn out this way but I see it as a clear confirmation that He wants me to keep pursuing a career in nursing. Next semester starts right away and I want to do my best for His glory at both work and school.

It feels good to be given a chance to begin fresh this semester. I praise God for His trustworthiness and faithfulness throughout my life, especially in the difficult waiting times. It's true that "The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." - Psalms 28:7

New Year Goals

It always feels fresh and energizing to have a new start. I especially enjoy January 1st for that reason.
Though I usually just ponder about goals that I would like to achieve in the New Year, this time I want to write them out for a bit of extra motivation.

1. I want to spend at least 30 minutes reading the Bible and praying every morning.
2. I want to spend at least 30 minutes running every morning.
3. I want to run at least one official half-marathon and do it under 1 hour and 45 minutes.
4. I want to pray for specific people in my life who don't know Christ every day.
5. I want to stay debt-free.
6. I want to be able to do 20 man push-ups in a row.

I think that's a fair list. So far so good! :)