I discovered the following article yesterday and found it to be quite insightful, you'll find my response to the article below the link:
http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2015/how-to-date-to-get-married
From my childhood until a few years ago males, apart from my father and brothers, were not close friends of mine. I was (and still am in a lot of ways) one of those girls who just could not attract the attention of males even though I wanted it. My Dad told me in my high school years that I'm an intimidating person, an "off-limits" girl to most guys because they (rightly) presume that I have high moral standards and high standards for the guys I date. Now, while I like to think that I have reasonable standards or expectations for the guys that I date, not many guys have taken the risk to ask me out and I often wonder why?
I have only ever dated two guys.
The first one knew that I liked him because I made it very obvious and so I believe that helped him to feel confident enough to ask me out. I had taken away the element of risk and I also ended up, to my dismay, leading much of the relationship in trying to pursue my boyfriend instead of letting him pursue me. I broke things off just shy of a year because things just weren't working. I had unrealistic expectations and was expecting this guy to change to fit my list of qualities. I did not appreciate him for who he was and other people who were observing our relationship agreed that things were not going well.
I met my second boyfriend on a blind date. If we had not been set up, I am not sure that this guy would have chosen to pursue me or that I would have said, "yes," to a date. I decided to give this guy a chance by trying to get to know him and, unfortunately, he was not what I expected. Unrealistic expectations again? I do not think so in this case because many of the people whom I respect and look to for advice were telling me to break things off so, after just about three months of dating, I did.
I have turned down a few guys on the strict basis that they were not Christians when they asked me out, but I have to say that I am impressed that they took the risk to ask.
I have tried to make sure that when I date I am doing so for the purpose of finding a spouse. This makes my interactions with guys limited and/or very difficult to manage. When I meet a guy, one of the first things I try to figure out is whether or not he is a Christian (a.k.a. follower of Christ). If so, I watch how he lives and decide that, if he were to ask me out, I will agree to get to know him. If he is not a Christian, I will decide that we will never be more than friends (unless he comes to faith) and if friendship blossoms, to use that as an opportunity to live out my faith and hopefully one day share the gospel with him. All that being said, I don't hang out with guys one-on-one and rarely in groups. I work with many guys and that is the most interaction that I have with non-family members of the opposite sex. These friendships are the hardest because I often find myself being drawn to their attention and attempting to impress them for my glory instead of focusing on glorifying God. It's a battle against sinful nature that I must learn to fight so as not to become the very things I detest.
If I do ever date again, I will try my best to put aside my list of "ideals" and focus on the person I am dating and evaluating our relationship while keeping the goal of a God-glorifying marriage in mind.
God may not call me to marriage, and that's ok. If He does, I want to be able to say with the author of the article (and my future spouse) that my reason for getting married is, "We loved each other, sensed God drawing us together, and wanted to live life with one another...Really, that's the only reason anyone should get married. Not because marriage is the fulfillment of some personal goal or life plan, but because God is calling you to love another person as Christ loves us - sacrificially and unconditionally."
http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2015/how-to-date-to-get-married
From my childhood until a few years ago males, apart from my father and brothers, were not close friends of mine. I was (and still am in a lot of ways) one of those girls who just could not attract the attention of males even though I wanted it. My Dad told me in my high school years that I'm an intimidating person, an "off-limits" girl to most guys because they (rightly) presume that I have high moral standards and high standards for the guys I date. Now, while I like to think that I have reasonable standards or expectations for the guys that I date, not many guys have taken the risk to ask me out and I often wonder why?
I have only ever dated two guys.
The first one knew that I liked him because I made it very obvious and so I believe that helped him to feel confident enough to ask me out. I had taken away the element of risk and I also ended up, to my dismay, leading much of the relationship in trying to pursue my boyfriend instead of letting him pursue me. I broke things off just shy of a year because things just weren't working. I had unrealistic expectations and was expecting this guy to change to fit my list of qualities. I did not appreciate him for who he was and other people who were observing our relationship agreed that things were not going well.
I met my second boyfriend on a blind date. If we had not been set up, I am not sure that this guy would have chosen to pursue me or that I would have said, "yes," to a date. I decided to give this guy a chance by trying to get to know him and, unfortunately, he was not what I expected. Unrealistic expectations again? I do not think so in this case because many of the people whom I respect and look to for advice were telling me to break things off so, after just about three months of dating, I did.
I have turned down a few guys on the strict basis that they were not Christians when they asked me out, but I have to say that I am impressed that they took the risk to ask.
I have tried to make sure that when I date I am doing so for the purpose of finding a spouse. This makes my interactions with guys limited and/or very difficult to manage. When I meet a guy, one of the first things I try to figure out is whether or not he is a Christian (a.k.a. follower of Christ). If so, I watch how he lives and decide that, if he were to ask me out, I will agree to get to know him. If he is not a Christian, I will decide that we will never be more than friends (unless he comes to faith) and if friendship blossoms, to use that as an opportunity to live out my faith and hopefully one day share the gospel with him. All that being said, I don't hang out with guys one-on-one and rarely in groups. I work with many guys and that is the most interaction that I have with non-family members of the opposite sex. These friendships are the hardest because I often find myself being drawn to their attention and attempting to impress them for my glory instead of focusing on glorifying God. It's a battle against sinful nature that I must learn to fight so as not to become the very things I detest.
If I do ever date again, I will try my best to put aside my list of "ideals" and focus on the person I am dating and evaluating our relationship while keeping the goal of a God-glorifying marriage in mind.
God may not call me to marriage, and that's ok. If He does, I want to be able to say with the author of the article (and my future spouse) that my reason for getting married is, "We loved each other, sensed God drawing us together, and wanted to live life with one another...Really, that's the only reason anyone should get married. Not because marriage is the fulfillment of some personal goal or life plan, but because God is calling you to love another person as Christ loves us - sacrificially and unconditionally."
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