"I'm Thankful"

One of my best friends usually responds to the question "How are you?" with "I'm thankful," no matter what her circumstances are.

I admire this friend a lot and so I want to brag about her a bit.

She recently had major jaw surgery which put her in the hospital for three days and had her very sore and swollen by the time she was allowed to go home. 

Tears filled my eyes when I saw her on the day she got home because I knew she was in a lot of pain but yet filled with the joy of the Lord as she told me through swollen lips and a wired jaw, "I'm thankful," when I asked her how she was doing. Though she couldn't smile with her mouth, I saw it in her eyes as she thanked me over and over for coming to visit. 

Tonight I went to visit her again and she is recovering very well. "How are you?" I asked. "I'm thankful," she replied. Despite feeling nauseous from swallowing blood clots and drowsy from her medication, her thankfulness and joy remain full.

I've always known her to be a typically joyful person but it is especially encouraging to see the Holy Spirit consistently filling her with joy and also strengthening her through tough circumstances.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I have been weak this week. Failing to acknowledge God in the midst of my unpleasant circumstances. He has used my friend to teach me and remind me that I have much to be thankful for.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" 

- 1 Chronicles 16:34

"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:56-57

Magnify by We Are Messengers

I've been trying to make sense of the sorrow that I feel
Holding on for life to the only thing that's real
I've only scratched the surface
I've barely had a taste

But just a glimpse draws my heart to change
And one sight of You lays my sin to waste
I don't need to see everything
Just more of You

Take it all, take it all away
Magnify no other name
Open up, open up my eyes to You

My sight is incomplete and I made You look small
I've been staring at my problems for way too long
Realign where my hope is set
Until You're all that's left

But just a glimpse draws my heart to change
And one sight of You lays my sin to waste
I don't need to see everything
Just more of You

Take it all, take it all away
Magnify no other name
Open up, open up my eyes to You

God be greater than the worries in my life
Be stronger than the weaknesses in my mind
Be louder, let Your glory come alive
Be magnified

Be magnified

I Am Nothing by Jeremy Camp

It seems I'm always in this place,
Where the things I seem to take
Are the things I wish would fade.
I always purpose in my heart,
Well to do things the right way,
Then I realize I'm still clay
And this piece that's being shaped
Will be a beauty You create.

I am nothing without Your love.
I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough.
I'm completed by Your touch,
But I feel like I've been giving so much
So I thank You, I thank You.

I wouldn't even face
All the troubles of the day
If it wasn't for Your grace.
Sometimes I even wait
To see if I'm awake,
Seems so good I can't relate.
And Your every word I crave,
And I'm grateful for every breath I take.

I am nothing without Your love.
I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough.
I'm completed by Your touch,
But I feel like I've been giving so much
So I thank You, I thank You.

When I'm feeling all my shame,
You won't let it stay.
I sail away into Your love.
I'm taking every day,
To give my life away,
It's the only way I know.

I am nothing without Your love.
I'm unworthy but Your death has been enough.
I'm completed by Your touch,
But I feel like I've been giving so much
So I thank You, I thank You
Lord I thank You, I thank You.

Why I Gave Up Facebook

Most people who know me or have tried to find me online know that I do not have Facebook. What they may not know is that I used to. If you're wondering why I no longer have a profile, I'll let you in on a personal story...

Once upon a time, 15-year-old Jessica had Facebook. She had a few Facebook friends, one of which was a boy whom she thought she might have a crush on. This made Jessica excited and so she messaged this boy back and forth on Facebook as often as she could until one day...she had to stop.

Now Jessica's dad is a pretty amazing guy and has quite a lot of wisdom that he does not hesitate to share with her, especially when it comes to boys. He found Jessica messaging this boy one day and instructed her to "shut it down" which means to stop all online contact. Jessica then sat at the computer while her dad helped her to delete her email account which automatically also deleted her Facebook. Though she has since created a new email address, Facebook continues to lack her profile.

It was not that the messages sent between myself and that boy through Facebook were inappropriate in content. They were simply fuel for a fire that did not need to be started at that point in our lives. I am now thankful for my dad's intervention and I never did date that boy though I thought it was destined to be at the time.

Since then, I have come across a number of reasons why I will never again open a Facebook account:

1. It tempts me to seek attention and glorify myself.
- An article I read today, read it here if you're interested, regarding social media in general does a great job of summarizing this point. I quote, "It is the subtle temptation to use social media to brag. Scripture speaks against seeking out one's own glory (Proverbs 25:27). Intention is a matter of the heart, but the heart is deceitful. It could be virtue that motivates a person to comment...or to post a selfie. But then again, it could be vice. I hope Christians are introspective about their own motivations and mindful of the subtle dangers of self-exaltation given the convenience and the audience provided by certain social media sites."

2. It tempts me to make relating with others impersonal.
- To use my story as an example, I almost never spoke to that boy other than online. I have also noticed that guys will often use social media to communicate with a girl they are interested in rather than get to know her face-to-face in real-life settings. The article I mentioned above says that, "A choice to forgo social media may simply be a choice to invest the time otherwise spent online in more direct, personal, and intimate social engagement." I want to make it a habit to have intentional face-to-face time with my friends and family rather than using texting as the primary mode of communication or wasting time checking pinterest or playing games on my phone. The struggle is real.

3. It creates conflict.
- A couple of my friends in high school got into a "silent" fight because one of them forgot to message the other back and they refused to talk to each other face-to-face about it. One other kind of conflict that comes to mind is a priority conflict. I used to check Facebook constantly and I spent more time on it than I spent reading my Bible and praying during those months. Never again.

4. It tempts me to sin.
- Whether it be lust, coveting, or profanities that dishonour God, Facebook has a way of posting unwanted materials all over its pages. I experienced this when my Facebook friends would post things (not all of them were Christians) and they would appear on my wall. Sometimes the content was offensive and I had to work to remove it from my wall on a consistent basis lest someone see it there and judge me accordingly. Also, as much as removing it would solve part of the issue, the main thing was that I had been exposed to something that polluted my mind rather than renewed it (Romans 12:2). If I have a choice, I will not give the world more opportunities to discourage me and cause me to stumble.

Now that I have listed some of my reasons for staying off of Facebook, I know that there are many good reasons to have it and I know lots of people who are using it well and in a God-honouring way. One example is a woman I know with a photography business who uses Facebook to help advertise and gain clients and she does a wonderful job! For me, however, knowing my weaknesses and having poor experiences with it in the past, I will choose to abstain from Facebook.

Other forms of social media such as Snapchat and Instagram have also influenced this post as many people have told me that "I should get" these things. My answer? I look at my reasons listed above for not getting Facebook and I ask myself these questions:

- Would having more social media help me to bring more glory to God?
- Would it encourage me to use my time wisely?
- Would it help me to draw more attention to God than myself?

If I answer these honestly, no, I cannot add more social media to my life. This blog is more than enough for me and I desire to use it to honour God as best as I can.

Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am  changing: less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in You, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

When time and space are through
I'll be found in You

Something to Treasure

For the past few Christmases (spell-check says it's a word), I have tried to get my family something thoughtful. Something they will use. Something that says, "Jessica knows me."

The typical go-to gifts have been:

- Food (mostly sweets)

- Socks (who knows what happens to them every year?)

- Underwear (why not?)

- Movies (typically only watched once, maybe twice)

- Christian books (usually end up added to my personal collection)

- Gift cards (last resort)

I probably will stick to this list again this year except for one thing.

Something I want to help inspire my family to do is to help push each other to read the Bible more and communicate what we are learning in order to "encourage one another and build one another up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and also stand with Job in saying "I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food" (Job 23:12).

I want us all to understand the importance of God's Word and live like we believe what it says. Of course this requires the Lord to work in our hearts to help change our attitudes and motivations but there are things we can do to help the process along.

So here's my idea and it involves two items:

1. A notebook

2. A "treasure" box

The notebook is for each member of our family to write in every day one thing, either a verse or a short sentence describing something they learned from what they read in the Bible, for the others to read and be encouraged by. 

The "treasure" box simply holds the notebook and hopefully we will regard it as a treasure as we see what each other is reading and learning from Scripture.

I will present this on Christmas morning but if any of my family reads this before then, hopefully they can look forward to it with great anticipation as I am!

My Room

It's dark in this room.
The blackness has no ending and no beginning.
In the atmosphere there is a heaviness.
It is hard to breathe.
I want out.
But I cannot move.

"Who can say, 'I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin'?" - Proverbs 20:9
"Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins." - Ecclesiastes 7:20
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," - Romans 3:23

A flicker of light appears in the distance.
I can see two people and one of them glows.
They are not in the same room as I am.
A candle is handed to the other person by the glowing One.
The candle is placed in one corner of the room.
Parts of the room remain dark.

"But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the LORD because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication." - Micah 7:7-9
"Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus," 
- Acts 3:19-20

More and more candles are added to the other room.
It is almost completely lit.
I hear singing.
My vision fades to black and silence settles in.
I wonder who the glowing One was.
Those who enter my room are covered by the darkness.

"An evil man is ensnared in his transgression, but a righteous man sings and rejoices." 
- Proverbs 29:6
"For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members." - Romans 7:18-23

Hateful whispers from the dark beings echo around me.
Alone is all I have felt in this place.
Longings have never been fulfilled.
The sound of a faint knock rings in my ears.
A familiar and yet new noise.
I beckon and the glowing One enters.

"Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day" - Proverbs 23:17
"Is is not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come? Why should a living man complain, a man, about the punishment of his sins? Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!" - Lamentations 3:38-40
"Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace might also reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." - Romans 5:18-21

A candle is held out to me.
The darkness retreats with its hateful beings and I can move freely.
I place the candle in one corner and the light uncovers a mess.
Another candle is offered but I hesitate to take it as I am shameful.
Eventually I accept the second candle and I notice something.
He has already seen the entire room.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:23
"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labour is not in vain." - 1 Corinthians 15:56-58
"And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account. Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:13-16

Placing the second candle permanently reveals more of the room.
More filth is uncovered and the glowing One offers me another candle.
Overwhelming is the mess in view but I am not expected to clean it alone.
He bends down and begins tidying up my room and calls me to join.
The other person I saw before enters and also helps us clean.
I will continue this cleaning for the rest of my life and also help others as I follow the glowing One.

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin." - 1 John 1:7

Sick and Tired

When I am sick and tired I will often say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Usually I need to sleep more when I am sick, simply because my body insists that I need more rest in order to fight off whatever sickness ails me. Most times I have been resistant to that needed rest and have unwisely motivated myself to ignore the need and continue to live life as if I was not sick.

Once again, I am stubborn.

But I slept 12 hours two nights ago. I can't remember the last time I slept over 10 hours before that. It was not that I wanted to sleep for 12 hours...I actually intended to get a long list of tasks done that evening but a 20 minute nap turned into a full on 12 hour state of extreme comatose.

Now I know I am sick with a cold, but I did not expect it to tire me out as much as it has. I was in constant prayer at work yesterday asking the Lord to sustain me and give me strength because I felt as though I could faint at any moment.

This morning I had good intentions to get a lot of things done but I have been hindered by a lack of energy, cold sweat, and a pending dizziness that hits me when I stand up.

I ask myself, "How is God glorified if I am rendered almost useless in my current state?"

Then I remember that Jesus said, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" I can therefore say with Paul, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

So I will go to work today boasting in the power of Jesus as He strengthens me to carry out my tasks despite my weakness. May He be glorified.

Heart Check

A while ago I posted a little bit of what Scripture says regarding the heart. (Read here)

"But my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts, to follow their own counsels." - Psalm 81:11-12

I am stopped in my tracks at the words of this verse because I know that I have a stubborn heart that wants what it wants and it will hold tightly to its desires, whether those desires are right or wrong.

Yesterday a number of good conversations happened which helped reveal to me where part of my heart has been at lately, and I need God to break my stubbornness and give my heart completely to Him.

One friend I had not seen in a while came to visit for the weekend and I was able to have lunch with her and a mutual friend who was hosting her. Our conversation was regarding relationship struggles. All three of us women agreed that we desire to be pursued, loved, and secure in that love. We also agreed that Jesus ultimately and perfectly fulfills all three of those things for us. The problem arises when our hearts seek after the affection of imperfect man for security in place of what Jesus has already offered. Having been married for a while, one friend said that it is often tempting in her marriage to seek security from her husband. Marriage does not solve our heart issues. She spoke to the two of us single women and reminded us that we need to find our full satisfaction in Christ, for He is the well that will never run dry and He bids us to come. "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." - John 6:35

Another conversation yesterday evening was with a friend whom I have not talked to in over a year due to some conflict resulting in tough love. She told me that things had changed in her life and I wanted to hear what had happened. I was anticipating this conversation for over a month and was not sure how it was going to go but I can say that I left it with great joy in my heart. As I mentioned above, it is tempting to seek for security in mankind and it is a daily battle to resist that temptation. My friend had been clinging to someone who did not share the same beliefs as her and I, having done the same in my own life, tried to lovingly convince her to let go because she was not honouring God with her relationship. She told me yesterday the story of her boyfriend's conversion and why she believes he is sincere. I want to rejoice with her because I believe that God could have worked in her boyfriend and is the cause for his noticeable life change. But she did tell me that she often wonders what would have happened had she let go. Only God knows the answers to these kinds of questions.

Through these conversations I see that my stubborn heart has held onto the affection of man and still desires it very heavily for security. I want God to change this in me, and I need Him to change me for His glory. I want to obey the words of the LORD spoken by the prophet Samuel. "Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you." - 1 Samuel 12:24

I have spent way too much time seeking after the things of this world and catering to my flesh while God calls me to seek after Him and receive His blessings which are far greater than anything the world could offer.

Paul prays in 2 Thessalonians 3:5, "May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ."

Amen.

Purposeful

As I sit here and think about how the last week and a bit in Israel has affected my mind and heart, many things are yet to be processed but one thing stands out above the rest.

In Luke 8:26-39 is a story about how Jesus went to the country of the Gerasenes across the Sea of Galilee and healed a man possessed by many demons. This man was chosen by Jesus. Jesus freed him from his burdens and then told him to go and tell. There was then a great purpose behind this revealed as the man went and proclaimed throughout the whole city how much Jesus had done for him.

We visited that place and saw the tombs and I thought about this story a lot.

What did I take away from this experience and reflection?

Jesus has chosen me.

Jesus has freed me.

I am called to go and tell others about Jesus, fulfilling my great purpose.

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."
- 1 Peter 2:9

Better Than I by Dallyn Vail Bayles

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is to put my trust in You

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me
Will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I


This song is from one of my favourite childhood movies called Joseph: King of Dreams and at this point in my life this song is a prayer from my heart.

Lead me Lord,
Amen

The Pursuit of God

I left Regina at 7:30am Nov. 23 and up until now I have been doing a lot of deep thinking. During the 12 hour plane ride from Toronto to Tel Aviv I read a book called, "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer. I tried my best despite my exhaustion to digest what I was reading and I know that I will have to read it again a few times to allow it to really sink in and marinate into my mind and heart. At the moment I want to reflect on a few quotes that touched me deeply and helped me to settle some things in my heart and mind.

"The way to deeper knowledge of God is through the lonely valleys of soul poverty and abnegation of all things. The blessed ones who possess the kingdom are they who have repudiated every external thing and have rooted from their hearts all sense of possessing." (Pg. 23)
I own nothing truly in this world. Everything is the Lord's and I must surrender all to Him. Clinging tightly to the created does not bring me closer to my Creator.

"We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed." (Pg. 28)
There have been numerous situations recently in which people I have been close to have walked away from the Lord and it has been a struggle to commit them to Him and let go of the burden I had been carrying to save them myself. Also relationships that I had put a lot of hope in were weighing me down because I had clinged so closely to them, thinking that I needed them for some security or identity, which I also required to let go and commit to God. These people I still treasure and pray for even though I cannot be close with them. They are in my Lord's loving hands, which is the safest place for them to be and I need not be afraid.

"Every soul belongs to God and exists by His pleasure. God being who and what He is, and we being who and what we are, the only thinkable relation between us is one of full Lordship on His part and complete submission on ours. We owe Him every honour that is in our power to give Him. Our everlasting grief lies in giving Him any less." (Pg. 96)
I want to honour the Lord with everything I am and in everything I think, say, and do. Making the tough decisions to deny myself daily is only the beginning.

Please Father above,

For the glory of Your Name, give me the strength and the will to do what is right.

Amen.

Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp

Will I believe You when You say Your hand will guide my every way?
Will I receive the Words You say every moment of every day?

Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me

Well help me to rid my endless fears, You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new, Your grace covers all I do

Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me

Well I'm broken but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken, pouring Your Words of grace

Well I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road prepares Your will for me

Hallelujah, Hallelu
Hallelujah, Hallelu

I will walk, I will walk, I will walk by faith

Another Birthday

I'm 24 now.

So much has happened over this past year and I have learned a lot.

I would say that some of the biggest trials I've had to face yet have come my way in 2016.

But I am thankful for the journey because it has ultimately brought me closer to Christ.

I've had to learn how to depend on Him and trust in Him more than ever before and He has proved Himself faithful to His Word.

I can rest in the promises of Jesus:

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." 
- 2 Timothy 3:16-17

"But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing." - James 1:25

"If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him." - John 12:26

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

"Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding." - Proverbs 3:13

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 
- 1 Peter 5:6-10

"And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." - Hebrews 11:6

There are many, many, many more promises than these, but I have found these to be some of the key ones that I have had to come back to throughout the trials this year.

Life is not over yet. Each day is a battle to choose to surrender either to God or my flesh. It's not easy. But the eternal blessing of surrendering to God is always worth the fight. 

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real

It's time for healing, time to move on.
It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
Time to make right what has been wrong.
It's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender.

Whatever You're doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
But I'm giving in to something heavenly.

Time for a milestone, time to begin again.
Re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow Your will,
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

So show me what it is You want from me.
I give everything, I surrender

To whatever You're doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
I'm giving in to something heavenly, something heavenly.

Time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in and let everything out.
That I wanted to say for so many years.
Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever You're doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me.
Larger than life, something heavenly.

It's time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in and let everything out.

It's Alright by Third Day

The letter said that You were leaving, but You didn't know how long.
I have never stopped believing that one day You would return.
And though waiting is the hardest part of everything I do,
I confess it's getting better knowing I will be with You.

It's alright, it's okay.
I won't worry about tomorrow,
for it brings me one more day
closer than I was to You.

Now the question isn't "will You?" What I want to know is "when?"
If it's one day or a million, I will wait for You 'til then.
So I'm holding on to Your Words and the promises You've made.
There is not one You have broken. There's not one I didn't take.

It's alright, it's okay.
I won't worry about tomorrow,
for it brings me one more day
closer than I was to You.

Your letter said that You were leaving, but You didn't know how long.
I will never stop believing. I know one day You will return.

Negatively Emotional

I am emotional.

Well I suppose everyone else in the world is emotional too. Except my emotions tend to appear externally a lot more than the average person. This is very unfortunate when I'm feeling negative emotions. Or at least I used to believe it was.

Throughout my childhood I found it a shame to cry in front of people. Crying was defined by my family and peers as a demonstration of weakness; so I resolved to try my best not to let others see my tears. It didn't always work. My efforts to hide negative emotions have mostly been futile. Unless I can physically remove myself from a situation, I quite easily end up in a mess of tears for the world to look upon. But why do I want to hide?

God created me the way that I am. Emotions and all.

The Psalmist says to the Lord, "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." - Psalm 139:14

I should not be ashamed of my emotions, though they can be overwhelming at times. They are a part of who I am and I need to embrace them. Of course it is not ideal to be sobbing in public places as opposed to my bedroom, but I shouldn't be ashamed or afraid to cry. It is not a symbol of weakness.

Scripture says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;" - Ecclesiastes 3:1,4
Also, we are commanded to, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." - Romans 12:15
And let's not forget that, "Jesus wept." - John 11:35

Solomon notes in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for weeping and a time for mourning. There is much suffering in this world we live in and it demands an emotional response. Whether it be anger (I'll post more specifically on anger in the future as it requires a bit more explanation) or sorrow.

As a nursing student, I have learned a lot about being empathetic. Empathy is important because when you try putting yourself in the shoes of others you connect with them on a deeper level, causing them to feel loved and cared about (see this video). It also takes some humility to put other's needs before your own in relating to them. I, for example, risk the potential shame in showing negative emotion in being empathetic. God has given me my emotions for a reason, and I believe that the purpose is to show His love to others and therefore ultimately glorify Him. As mentioned above, Jesus wept, and we see in the verse that follows that the people who witnessed this exclaimed that His weeping came from love.

I want my tears to always be a reflection of the love of Christ in my heart to the people around me.

A Tale of Dreams and Chickens

I've recorded my dreams before simply because some of them are just bizarre and most of them are too realistic to be forgotten. Where do dreams come from? Well I heard somewhere that you typically dream about things that you were thinking about before you fell asleep. That would make sense according to my own personal experience and that of a friend of mine.

After pondering about his grandparent's farm where they have chickens, he fell asleep. Upon waking he recalled having a strange dream about chickens...

He said that in his dream he discovered that the happier a chicken is, the bigger the egg it will lay. So an undoubtedly entertaining scene ensued of him chasing chickens* and trying to make them happy so that they would lay bigger eggs. Apparently dream chickens like it when we mimic their sounds whilst holding them and also speaking encouraging words to them. If you imagine anyone doing this, it's pretty hilarious.

My friend succeeded at testing the larger egg theory in his dream, but I did a bit of research and found that it is actually true that "the way that you treat your hens will determine how quickly they will start to lay Large, Extra Large or Jumbo eggs." See link here.

You learn new things every day :).

*Note: I don't think chickens like to be chased. From real personal experience, they freak out.

Manitoba Fall 2016

I went once again to visit my dear Ruth this past weekend. We've made it a "thing" to visit each other at least twice a year since we were roommates at Bible College in 2010. I'd say we are good friends :)

I left rather early on Friday, 4am to be exact, hoping to get to Ruth's by the time her morning class was over so we could maximize our time together. I was blessed by an amazing sky to admire as the sun began to rise around the 6:45am mark.

My Mom always tells me to drive safely but I know that there is always the risk of other people not driving safely that could cause me harm. I met one such person on the outskirts of Steinbach just 20 minutes before I would safely reach my destination. Whilst cruising down a two-way highway, a large white truck turned onto the road in front of me. All was well until this truck began to swerve off the road to the right, creating a giant cloud of gravel dust as it's oversized tires forced it into the air. I thought to myself this person must have a passenger whom they are trying to get a reaction out of by driving crazy because I have done this to other people and have had it done to me as well. I would have not minded the truck's momentary play except for the fact that it continued to swerve over and over and over again, not seeming to care about my windshield as it continued to hurl earth with each swerve. After about 7 or so minutes of this I decided to try and pass the white beast because I did not want to put up with it's recklessness anymore. As I passed I considered not looking at the driver of the truck but I was curious to see the facial expression of the expected passenger. What I saw, to my surprise and concern, was a man at least age 40 driving by himself wearing Elton John type sunglasses, a leopard print hat, and a leather jacket, leaning way too far forward and hunched over the steering wheel with a facial expression that told me that he was either drunk, really amused with his crazy driving, or rather excited that he was driving for the first time. I was very relieved to have passed him but I was concerned for the other vehicles travelling near the white terror. When I got into the city I kept a close eye on the truck in my rear-view mirror and prayed that he would not cause an accident. At the next intersection, crazy driver pulled up next to me to turn left and I felt my heart race. When I finally arrived at Ruth's, I reported the situation to her and she told me I should have called 911 to report the driver. Next time, I will. I was paranoid about white trucks for the rest of the weekend.

Salisbury House was our first outing together for a bite to eat.

The rest of Friday consisted of shopping for various ingredients for cooking and baking as well as relaxing, running errands, and cribbage. Saturday lent itself to a bit of touring. I discovered that the Winnipeg Science Centre is very similar to the one we have in Regina although there were a few different things such as a racetrack for Knex cars...

We also went to the Winnipeg Art Gallery which was hosting a ball that night so there were pretty flower arrangements everywhere not to mention a grand piano! <3

The gallery also features a rooftop sculpture garden.

I thought this piece of art looked pretty nifty.

We went to Marion Street Eatery for supper which was super tasty. I like my fries.

The main reason I chose this weekend to visit Ruth was that my sister's friend had suggested that we (including my sister, her friend, her friend's sister, our mom, and I) go see Carrie Underwood in Winnipeg. So I took advantage of the situation. My brief opinion of the concert was it was ok. I mean, Carrie sang great and the show was entertaining but something bothered me. I compared this concert experience with Urbana 2012 (see post here) where we also had thousands of people worshipping. The main difference between the two events was the object/person of worship. At the concert, people worshipped the music artist. At Urbana, people worshipped God. I resolve to save my time and money in the future for God-worshipping events.

Ruth is Mennonite, which means we make really good food when I'm there. That is real perogies and farmer sausage!

I enjoyed my weekend overall, but it was most exciting and enjoyable because I got to spend time in fellowship with this amazing woman :)

God of All My Days by Casting Crowns

I came to You with my heart in pieces
And found the God with healing in His hands
I turned to You, put everything behind me
And found the God who makes all things new
I looked to You, drowning in my questions
And found the God who holds all wisdom
And I trusted You and stepped out on the ocean
You caught my hand among the waves
'Cause You're the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You're the God of all my days

I ran from You, I wandered in the shadows
And found a God who relentlessly pursues
I hid from You, haunted by my failure
And found the God whose grace still covers me
I fell on You when I was at my weakest
And found the God, the lifter of my head
And I've worshipped You
And felt You right beside me
You're the reason that I sing
'Cause You're the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You're the God of all my days

In my worry, God You are my stillness
In my searching, God You are my answers
In my blindness, God You are my vision
In my bondage, God You are my freedom
In my weakness, God You are my power
You're the reason that I sing
'Cause You're the God of all my days

Each step I take
You make a way
And I will give You all my praise
My seasons change, You stay the same
You're the God of all my days

In my blindness, God You are my vision
And in my bondage, God You are my freedom
All my days

He Calls Me to Trust

"And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you." - Psalm 9:10

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." - Psalm 28:7

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act." - Psalm 37:5

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" - Psalm 56:3

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." - Psalm 118:8

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5

"Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered." - Proverbs 28:26

"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe." - Proverbs 29:25

"'Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.'" - Isaiah 12:2

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock." - Isaiah 26:3-4

"'Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.'" - Jeremiah 17:7

The Very Next Thing by Casting Crowns

I spend all my time
Dreaming what the future's gonna bring
When all of this time
There's a world passing by right in front of me
Set my sights on tomorrow
While I'm tripping over today

Who says big things
Are somewhere off in the distance
I don't want to look back
Just to see all the times that I missed it
I want to be here and now
Starting right here, right now

With the very next words of love to be spoken
To the very next heart that's shattered and broken
To the very next way You're gonna use me
Show me the next thing
I'll do the next thing

Let my very next breath
Breathe out a song of praise to You
With my very next step
Be on a road that was planned by You
Lord, wherever You're leading me
That's where I want to be

Eyes wide open I see You working
All around me You're on the move
Step by step I'm running to meet You
In the next thing

Live and Pray While You Wait

Waiting....for what?

It seems everyone is always waiting for something. Whether it is for a traffic light to turn green, the coffee maker to finish brewing, the latest Apple product to be released, the leftovers to heat up in your toaster oven (because you do not have a microwave...), or for some man or woman to come into your life and marry you, you're probably waiting.

But no matter what you are waiting for, what are you doing with the time spent waiting??

Whether you are waiting five minutes or fifty years, God doesn't want you to waste your life. You may say to yourself, "It's my life! Why would God care or why should I care about how I live?"

God's Word says in Romans 11:36-12:1, "For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." 

In explanation, these two verses are saying that God created all things, sustains all things, and all things are His. Therefore, our purpose is for His glory and we are to live for Him.

To further this point, the Bible also says, "You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). This verse is strictly written to Christians who have understood that Christ has died to buy them and have thus committed their lives to Him.

We all have one life, and we were made to glorify God. We shouldn't take the purpose of our lives lightly.

I used to think that I would grow up to be a stay-at-home-mom. That I would finish my two years of Bible college, get married, have kids, and raise those kids to follow Jesus while showing hospitality by opening my home to my neighbours and then serving at church however I could.

That is not my story.

A wise man once told me when I turned 20, "Life begins now." He might have been saying it in jest a little bit but I think I needed to hear those words.

I had just finished Bible college and began to intern at my church while taking classes at the university with the intention of applying for a nursing school program. The encouragement I had obtained from my mentor and my dad along with various other people I respect pushed me to choose a direction for my life and pursue it. Sitting at home and waiting around for a husband was not an option. It still isn't. Who said that life starts when you get married? Or when you get a career? Or when you have kids? God certainly didn't.

We are created to live for His glory from the day we were born until we die. That is our purpose whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. After all, "Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honourable use and another for dishonourable use?" (Romans 9:21) "The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble" (Proverbs 16:4). Some of us will be intentionally living for the glory of God while others will live for themselves and God will still be glorified as His Word stands true.

For example:

"Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding."
- Proverbs 10:23
"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice."
- Proverbs 12:15
"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad."
- Proverbs 12:25
"Whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth."
- Proverbs 12:27
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." 
- Proverbs 13:20
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
- Proverbs 15:1
"Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble with it."
- Proverbs 15:16

Do you see how each of these statements are true in life?

So while I am waiting, I consider it a great joy and privilege to study the Word of God so I can gain wisdom and learn more and more of what it looks like to fulfill my purpose to live for His glory. For more information about how to not waste your life I would recommend reading the book, "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper. Free pdf download available here.

Another important thing to do while waiting is to pray. I read an article today that spoke to singles about how to pray while they are longing for marriage and found it really insightful and inspiring. Read the article here.

I want to conclude this post with lyrics from the song, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller:

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy, no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

Blind Dates

A good friend and I had a chat about a potential blind date offered to her which caused me to explore my experience with the subject.

I've been on two blind dates in my life and here is what I have to say about them.

The first blind date I went on was set up by a trusted family friend. He told my Dad about the potential suitor and then my Dad passed the information on to me. At first I was ok with the idea as I strategically stalked the guy on facebook and was impressed with what I discovered about him. As the day when we would meet approached I became more and more apprehensive. What if he doesn't like me? What if I don't like him? What if I say or do something embarrassing? What if conversation doesn't flow? What if it's AWKWARD?? My Mom convinced me, perhaps because she wants grandkids someday, to "stop worrying already and take a risk." So, when the day came, I arrived 15 minutes early and sat in my car in the Western Pizza parking lot and tried to tell myself that everything was going to be fine. Instead my stomach was turning and my mind was bombarding me with more anxious inquisitions. Should I order iced tea? No, water is free. What if he orders water too? Would it be weird to order food? What kind of questions should I ask him? What if I talk too much? Oh! That must be him! He was indeed there. I recognized him from the pictures on facebook. Plus he walked into Western Pizza, which was where we were meeting. Guess I should get in there...


It went well! My family friend sat in with us to introduce us and then promptly left us to chat alone. We both ordered water. We both talked a lot and conversation flowed fairly easily. It led us to a second date, then a third, and then we were in a relationship. Not all blind dates end up in relationships though...

The second blind date I went on was set up by a trusted co-worker and friend of mine. She told me that she knew this great guy and thought maybe I would be interested in him. I told her, after a bit of facebook stalking, that I was willing to meet him and so she set up a time and place for all of us to hang out together. There was no anxiety leading up to the date this time. I arrived at the coffee shop 15 minutes early as per usual and my girlfriend showed up shortly afterward and we chatted while waiting for the guy, who showed up on time, unlike us women. That meeting also went really well and led to a second and third date but not into a relationship.

Both blind dates were successful because they served their purpose to determine whether a particular guy was a suitable match for me to best glorify God for the rest of my life with.

I also learned valuable lessons in both of these experiences.

Lesson 1: Take risks! There is no harm in meeting someone new and it is likely that they will be
                 feeling just as anxious and, if not, they probably have an understanding of what it's like to
                 be nervous for a blind date.
Lesson 2: Be gracious! If the other person embarrasses him or herself, don't make fun or judge them.
                 If they laugh it off, laugh with them. If they look ashamed, tell them it's ok and empathize.
Lesson 3: Ask questions! The purpose of a blind date is to get to know the other person to see if there
                 is potential for another date and so on and so forth as I mentioned before...to glorify God.
Lesson 4: Be yourself! The fastest way to get to know someone else genuinely is to be genuine, both
                on and offline.*

I prefer to get to know people the old-fashioned way by naturally developing friendships without the added pressure that a blind date piles on to get to know someone with a potential romantic relationship on the brain, but I'm also not opposed to blind dates because they've challenged me to take risks and be more confident in meeting new people.

*If you're wondering how I facebook stalk people without facebook...I have my sources :)

Lord, I Need You by Matt Maher

Lord I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your graces is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Just Keep Running!

I finished the GMS Healthy Half 21.1K Run this past Sunday with a record time (for me) of  1:40:36.0. Now how did I do it? Well here is a list of things that contributed to my run:

1. I prayed before, during, and after the race.
2. I pumped some tunes such as "This Is Not A Test" and "Unstoppable" by tobyMac.
3. I had a meeting to be at for 9:55am sharp (the race began at 8:00am).
4. I ate a large breakfast of oatmeal and fruit at 6:00am.
5. I carried with me a 750mL water bottle full of sports beverage.
6. I had my Mom running behind me.
7. I kept a faster woman in my sight at all times.
8. I played two soccer games and worked the day before.
9. I slept 5 1/2 hours the night before.
10. I made sure that I could always run at least 5K in under 30min at any given moment.
11. I trained very inconsistently.
12. I did not stretch.
13. I chugged water the day before until my pee was clear (I was adequately hydrated).
14. I wore Saucony Kinvara 5 running shoes.
15. I ignored any pain and I never stopped running.

Some of the things in my list would not be recommended by myself or anyone else who knows how to prepare for a long run but I will say that the top three things were the most important factors as they provided me with the most motivation to keep running at a decent pace.

Now I am going to turn sharply and address a passage of Scripture that I found relatable to the subject of running:

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 

These verses contain examples of how we should live out our faith if we have chosen to follow Jesus. "We receive salvation as a free gift and then the Lord blesses us on top of that with temporal and eternal rewards for faithfully serving Him. What a God!" (Keith Krell) So with the prize of God's approval in our sights, we should train hard through the reading and studying of God's Word and then seek to live it out faithfully as we run the race of our lives. This takes intense and constant discipline and self-control but the prize of one day hearing Jesus say, "Well done, good and faithful servant," (Matthew 25:21) is worth every effort of ours to obtain.

Since I did not train very efficiently for the half marathon as my goal was not to obtain a specific prize, I hope that my life race is run well due to a faithful pattern of consistent and deliberate meditation on God's Word as well as much time spent in prayer. I recognize that it is ultimately for the glory of God that I run this race and, if I do well, all the credit is His. :) pressing on!

May we one day say with Paul, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." - 2 Timothy 4:7-8

When I Struggle to Pray

There are times when I struggle to pray. Sometimes the struggle is approaching a holy God in prayer when I know I have sinned against Him. Other times I struggle with the words to say. Still other times I find myself wondering if I am praying enough or maybe too much. So how am I supposed to deal with these struggles? I know that prayer is important so I want to learn how to do it well.

First of all, I believe that all of the wisdom required to guide me through my struggles with prayer can be found in God's Word so I will draw solely from Scripture as I explore the different aspects.

1. When I am struggling to approach the Lord in prayer.

Be it because I have sinned and feel shame which has led me to think that maybe God won't hear or answer my prayers, sometimes I don't have the motivation to pray.

I know that I am not alone in this struggle as many people have told me over the years that they find it hard to pray at times. It becomes especially hard when I read verses like this:

"The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous." - Proverbs 15:29
"If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination." - Proverbs 28:9

So when I am caught in sin, how can I become righteous so that God will hear my prayers? The answer is found in these passages:

"But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it-- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus." - Romans 3:21-26

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." - 1 John 1:9

God justifies and makes me righteous by the blood of Jesus Christ. I need to have faith and humble myself before Him and confess my sins to become righteous again. In fact, Jesus calls us to pray so that we might not be tempted and sin and become unrighteous:

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41

My sin should never be a barrier to prayer in my life if I believe that I am forgiven.

2. When I am struggling with the words to say in prayer.

The most obvious tip for what to pray is in Jesus' teaching to his disciples:

"And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."  - Matthew 6:7-13

I do not have to say a lot. To follow the example of Christ my heart needs to be in the right place. I must align myself with the heart of God and thus desire what He desires so I pray according to His will.

"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses." - Mark 11:25

Forgiveness is emphasized and understandably so because, as I already pointed out in the first struggle, I need to be righteous for God to hear my prayer.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." - James 5:16

As I approach God in His righteousness, I can then follow examples (not all of which are listed here, just some of my personal favourites) of what to pray as found in the Bible so that my heart may truly conincide with His:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." - Romans 15:13

"that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."  - Ephesians 3:16-19

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." - Philippians 1:9-11

"And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light." - Colossians 1:9-12

"Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created." - Revelation 4:11

There are times when I want to pray specifically for others and myself but I do not know what to say because I know not what the will of God is for specific situations. It is then that I find comfort in this verse:

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." - Romans 8:26

3. When I am struggling with the frequency of prayer.

How often should I pray for something? Will God answer me more quickly or in the way that I want if I pray more often? First I must be sure that I am coming to the Lord in prayer with the correct attitude.

"What is the Almighty, that we should serve him? And what profit do we get if we pray to him?" - Job 21:15

If I am righteous before God and know who He is as revealed in Scripture, I can read the words of King David and find comfort:

"Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." - Psalm 103:2-5

The book of Psalms is littered with examples of people who were finding life difficult as they prayed but I find that they were desperately persistent in prayer:
 
"Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!" - Psalm 4:1

"O LORD God of hosts, how long will you be angry with your people's prayers?" - Psalm 80:4

"Hear my prayer, O LORD; give ear to my pleas for mercy! In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!" - Psalm 143:1

So when I find myself worrying in life, I should pray as I am commanded:

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

When I am assured in my limited knowledge of who God is, I can pray consistently with confidence as I am called to:

"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth." - 1 Timothy 2:1-4

"Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." - Colossians 4:2

"pray without ceasing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:17

I do not think that I can pray too much. In fact, I do not think that I can pray enough.

If my trust is in the Lord and I am coming to Him with my heart in the right place, I need not worry about whether or not he will hear me or answer my prayers because I know He will. And so I pray.

The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets

Three in the morning and I'm still awake
so I picked up a pen and a page
And I started writing just what I'd say
if we were face to face

I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you so
don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget but
don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

Last time we spoke you said you were hurting
and I felt your pain in my heart
I want to tell you I keep on praying
Love will find you where you are

I know cause I've already been there
So please here these simple truths

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you so
don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget but
don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say

From one simple life to another
I will say
Come find peace in the Father

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got His hand on you so
don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget but
don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
Thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say

Forgotten God

I just finished reading this book by Francis Chan and it left me in a state of deep repentance. Forgotten God is a book that I would recommend to anyone who has questions about the Holy Spirit and His role in our lives as I believe it contains really good theological explanations that are supported with Scripture throughout its pages. Normally I would litter a post about a book with quotes and insights but this time I'm merely going to record the prayer found at the end because it is really impacting and leaves the reader with a good summary of the book's contents. I wish to pray this prayer from my own heart as I record it below.

Spirit, we know that we have done wrong by You.

Please forgive us for grieving, resisting, and quenching You.

We have resisted You through sin, through our rebellion, and through our hardness of heart.

At times, we have been spiritually blind.

At other times, we knew what You wanted us to do, but we chose to ignore Your promptings.

Yet this is not how we want to live now.

We need You to change us.

Only through You can we truly worship.

Spirit of the Lord, You are the one who brings us to a place where we can worship.

You are the Spirit of truth, the Spirit of holiness, the Spirit of life. 

Thank You for the truth, the holiness, and the life You give us.

We need Your wisdom and understanding as we seek to live this life.

Keep us from disbelief, from fear.

We need Your strength to help us do what You are asking us to do and to live how You are asking us to live.

Speak loudly and drown out the other voices calling us to conform to the patterns of this world.

You are the Spirit of self-control and love.

Give us the self-control needed to deny our flesh and follow You.

Give us a love strong enough to motivate courageous action.

Manifest Yourself through us that we may serve and love Your bride, the church, as You do.

Come, Holy Spirit, come.

We don't know exactly what that means and looks like for each of us yet, in the particular places You've called us to inhabit.

But, nonetheless, whatever it means, we ask for Your presence.

Come, Holy Spirit, come.

My View on Texting

Going way back to the flip-phone days, I was 15 when I got my first cell phone and I was absolutely obsessed with texting.

It was an unhealthy obsession I will admit as I recall constantly checking for new messages and feeling obligated to answer every text within 30 seconds of arrival to my inbox.

I texted everyone possible as much as possible. It was an exciting new addition to my life but one that I was unprepared to handle appropriately.

Having my own phone enabled me to connect with people even though I was not physically with them and I felt so independent and free but at the same time I was also trapped. Trapped in this persistent obligation to reply to these constant text messages as fast as possible lest the people on the other side feel forgotten or think that I don't care.

I use texting a lot still today and I really enjoy using my iPhone to connect with the people in my life and I have learned a some things about texting over the years that I would like to share:

1. Texting is both a great and also a terrible communication tool.

Let me explain. Texting is great when it is used to inform people about meetings or events going on. Texting is terrible when it is used for regular every day conversations and even worse for deep and intimate ones simply because of the risk of miscommunication. 

2. Texting is both polite and rude.

A polite example of texting is sending someone a Bible verse or a simple note of encouragement to brighten their day but it is very rude to do this while out for coffee or supper with someone else. 

3. Texting can both save and waste a lot of time.

Instead of phoning ten people individually to let them know about an event, which can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 1 hour or longer... you could just send a mass text in less than 1 minute. Also instead of taking 15 minutes to type out that story about what happened to you at work today in a text you could just phone that person and deliver the story through speech and take 2 minutes.

4. Texting is both personal and impersonal.

Sometimes a simple "I'm thinking of you" or "I'm praying for you" or a Scripture verse in a text can make someone's day but then just think about how much more personal it would be if someone called you to share the same things.

5. Texting can both create and destroy intimacy.

It is easy to text constantly with someone and get to know facts about them really well but, if texting is your main mode of communication, you won't actually get to know who that person is. You can say anything in a text and, without body language and tone of voice present, things can easily be misinterpreted and misunderstood. 

To summarize my thoughts, I think texting is useful but only if used wisely within reasonable limits.

Everything Is Yours by Audrey Assad

When all the world is blossoming
When everything around is bursting into life
And I don't have to strain to hear the beat of Your heart

When all the world is under fire
And the skies are threatening to thunder and rain
And I am overcome by fears that I can't see

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
No it was never mine to hold

Who could command the stars to sing?
Or hold the raging seas from breaking through the doors
And tend the fragile roses with the very same hands?

If everything is Yours
Everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
I am, I'm letting it go

Cause everything is Yours
Yeah everything is Yours
If everything is Yours, God
If everything is Yours
I'm letting it go
It was never mine to hold

Heart and Flesh by Starfield

My soul longs, even faints for the courts of the Lord

Oh my heart and flesh cry out for the Living God

And I am satisfied, satisfied in You Lord

And I would trade it all for one day in Your courts

Oh I am satisfied, Lord I am satisfied in You

Roller Coasters

Once upon a time my family travelled to Wisconsin Dells and stayed at Mt. Olympus Water & Theme Park.

When we arrived at the hotel and got our park passes the first thing my Dad said to me was, "Will you take the kids to the park?"

Now I was really tired from the long drive and had almost zero motivation to take anyone anywhere. But I caved under the intense pressure of eager expectations plus parental prodding and down to the park I went with four siblings in tow. Just kidding. My siblings were way ahead of me :).

There was an indoor park which contained the more "childish" rides and a much larger outdoor park full of race tracks and more intimidating rides.

We (I) decided to start small and try some of the indoor stuff before moving on to the "real" rides outside.

The most exciting thing indoors was a small roller coaster with mice for cars and we soon decided that we needed something a little more challenging.

I'm going to focus in on my little brother Daniel for a moment.

Bravest kid ever.

There were three roller coasters outside. Pegasus was the smallest of the three but it was still super fast and fun. My whole family ended up riding Pegasus (even my Dad who hates roller coasters!).

It was not enough for Daniel.

He insisted on moving on to bigger and better and dragged me along to Zeus. As the second biggest roller coaster at this park, Zeus was quite a bit bigger than Pegasus. I was a little bit nervous to try it out but my parents (mostly Mom) insisted that I not let Daniel go it alone. It wasn't so bad and I became a bit addicted to the adrenaline rush I obtained from the experience and rode it at least 3 more times in a row with Daniel.

But the largest coaster remained unridden by the Eiswerth clan...for the first few days at least.

Hades 360 was the largest roller coaster at the park and is known for being the world's first upside-down wooden roller coaster. It also had a drop of 140ft and hit 70mph speed straight down into the world's longest underground tunnel. I did not want to leave this vacation without having conquered Hades at least once. I knew that Daniel would ride with me but, to our dismay, Mom would not allow it. She insisted that herself and Alexander (my oldest brother) come with me to scope it out first.

We began the long trek uphill to ride Hades and it took us about ten or so minutes to reach the entrance. The seats in the cars held only two people and so one of us ended up sitting by herself...

Me, myself, and I sat together...

Alone.

Now I really did not mind all that much because I was too excited to care. Right before the ride began I looked back at my family members and my Mom met me with a facial expression that said I would rather be anywhere but here, while her mouth shouted rather aggressively, "Turn around, you!" So I turned back around with a huge grin across my face and the ride started...

I would describe the ride in excruciating detail but I've decided that I will only mention that the drop was super steep and ferociously fast, the tunnel was literally long and dauntingly dark, and there were a lot of high-pitched screams and panicky breaths coming from the seat directly behind me ;). Then suddenly it was all over.

Mom and Alexander assured me that they were never going on that ride again and then proceeded to act a bit angry toward me for "convincing" them to give it a shot.

The saddest part of the whole trip happened next...

Daniel was waiting with eager anticipation to ride Hades but Mom said, "Sorry Daniel but I don't think it is safe for you to ride that one, I'm afraid you'll slip right out of the seat!" I have to admit that I do support my Mom's concern for her youngest child but I still think I could've taken him with me and held him in place if there was a need for that. Daniel's hopes and dreams were seemingly crushed for a moment at my Mom's words as he hung his head...only to look up seconds later with a gleam in his eyes as he said to me, "Back to Zeus then!"

We rode Zeus at least fifteen times that week.

Out of respect for Daniel, I only rode Hades that one time...

I'd take him on Hades (not to mention also any other roller coaster) anytime because his bravery led me to conquer my slight fear of heights and also to feel the incredible adrenaline rush that roller coasters incite.