Every culture has a process for how people get to marriage and each one involves three things:
1. A definition of what marriage is.
2. A list of qualities which would make a good marriage partner.
3. A strategy for how to find those things which make a good marriage partner.
It's not hard to see how North America does this. Our culture is no longer a dating culture as it used to be. It is now "tinder and hook-up." How has our culture influenced and shaped your thinking in this area? Recall Romans 12:2 - "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Though the goal of dating might be marriage, it is often about two people enjoying a romantic relationship together. Dating needs to look different than that.
In the last part of 1 Corinthians 7, Paul uses the word "betrothed" which means "virgin" when translated. The Bible never says that we should do everything except have sex outside of marriage. We need to see dating as not being married, it is not a pseudomarriage. There should be very limited to no intimacy in a dating relationship because God intentionally designed marriage as a covenant relationship that provides a safe place for intimacy. No biblical pattern exists for a sustained romantic relationship outside of marriage. Biblical dating is seeking clarity, not building intimacy.
In a DVD series by Gary Thomas that goes along with his book, "The Sacred Search," our young adults group watched Session 1: Making a Wise Marital Choice: The Gift that Keeps on Giving. I picked out some of the main points as I cannot post a link to the video unfortunately.
- You can't know what you are going to face in the future, but God lets us choose the person we face it with.
- The consequences of a poor marital choice are catastrophic. Will you cry tears of joy or tears of frustration after 10 years of marriage?
- Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Make this your marital verse!
- Being "in love" is not something to base a marriage on. It's a silly reason to get married because the infatuation you experience during a dating relationship makes you vulnerable and stupid.
- You need to know the "why" for marriage to determine "who" will best fit the job description.
- Remember that character matters. Do you respect the person you are going to marry?
So dating is primarily about discovering someone's character! Get to know who they are and also who they were. Is there consistent growth in their life? Remember that you are looking for a good chunk of marble, not a finished statue. Nobody's perfect but you want someone who is moving towards holiness. Someone who takes God's Word seriously with a mature understanding of it as well as a proven track record of serving others in faithfulness with a pattern of healthy relationships. The best way to find that kind of a person is to get really involved in the church and look for someone who is doing the same thing!
If you are looking for a fantastic book to read on the subject of dating, "The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas is a great one!
1. A definition of what marriage is.
2. A list of qualities which would make a good marriage partner.
3. A strategy for how to find those things which make a good marriage partner.
It's not hard to see how North America does this. Our culture is no longer a dating culture as it used to be. It is now "tinder and hook-up." How has our culture influenced and shaped your thinking in this area? Recall Romans 12:2 - "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Though the goal of dating might be marriage, it is often about two people enjoying a romantic relationship together. Dating needs to look different than that.
In the last part of 1 Corinthians 7, Paul uses the word "betrothed" which means "virgin" when translated. The Bible never says that we should do everything except have sex outside of marriage. We need to see dating as not being married, it is not a pseudomarriage. There should be very limited to no intimacy in a dating relationship because God intentionally designed marriage as a covenant relationship that provides a safe place for intimacy. No biblical pattern exists for a sustained romantic relationship outside of marriage. Biblical dating is seeking clarity, not building intimacy.
In a DVD series by Gary Thomas that goes along with his book, "The Sacred Search," our young adults group watched Session 1: Making a Wise Marital Choice: The Gift that Keeps on Giving. I picked out some of the main points as I cannot post a link to the video unfortunately.
- You can't know what you are going to face in the future, but God lets us choose the person we face it with.
- The consequences of a poor marital choice are catastrophic. Will you cry tears of joy or tears of frustration after 10 years of marriage?
- Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Make this your marital verse!
- Being "in love" is not something to base a marriage on. It's a silly reason to get married because the infatuation you experience during a dating relationship makes you vulnerable and stupid.
- You need to know the "why" for marriage to determine "who" will best fit the job description.
- Remember that character matters. Do you respect the person you are going to marry?
So dating is primarily about discovering someone's character! Get to know who they are and also who they were. Is there consistent growth in their life? Remember that you are looking for a good chunk of marble, not a finished statue. Nobody's perfect but you want someone who is moving towards holiness. Someone who takes God's Word seriously with a mature understanding of it as well as a proven track record of serving others in faithfulness with a pattern of healthy relationships. The best way to find that kind of a person is to get really involved in the church and look for someone who is doing the same thing!
If you are looking for a fantastic book to read on the subject of dating, "The Sacred Search" by Gary Thomas is a great one!
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