A Beautiful Poem

What is Beauty?

What is beauty? Face that shines?
Or head that sweetly, still reclines?
Is beauty in a stately walk?
Or in the way we softly talk?

That's not all beauty, beauty still,
Is meekly bending to God's will.
To find in every trial we face
The depth, the wonder of His grace.

Why is beauty, beauty more?
Than glistening skin upon the shore,
Than winning smile and winking eye,
Than scarlet blush and loving sigh?

Well all that's good but still, in fact,
Beauty's in every selfless act.
In tenderness and loving heart
And souls whom God has set apart.

When is beauty, beauty found?
In gentle whispering? Wafting sound?
In waves of colour, random strewn?
In mountain peaks or sandy dune?

It's found in all those wondrous places
In gentle spirit, heaven's graces.
It's found in worship to the King
As joyful voices raised up sing.

Where is beauty, beauty seen?
In fantasy or golden beam?
In diadem upon the head?
Or jewelry? Or lips stained red?

Beauty, beauty is far more
For beauty loves forever more.
That light that shines from inward-side
That love that only God provides.

NB 4 JE

Temptation

There is a lot that falls under this topic and I've previously touched on one particularly critical element : the human heart. (Read here)

We can be tempted in many different ways because our human nature is sinful and the devil certainly doesn't want us doing the right thing. God commands us:

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." - 1 Peter 5:8-9

Resisting the temptation to sin is worth every effort. After all, sin hurts. (Read here)

Plus we were never expected to fight against temptation on our own:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:15-16

Thank you Jesus for your grace.

Amen.

Like a Tree

Consider Psalm 1 for a moment or two...or tree... :).

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, 
nor stands in the way of sinners,
not sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the LORD, 
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish."

When I stop to really look at the words in this Psalm I find many amazing truths and promises that I desire to have rooted deeply in my heart.

The very first word is "blessed." By dictionary definition this word means, "divinely or supremely favoured; fortunate." Now who doesn't want to be blessed? I know I do! If we read on though, we find that the blessing is conditional. This means that the blessing is obtained because of something that the man does, and what he does is crucial. Don't miss this: rather than taking the advice of the world around him (which would tell him to be selfish, greedy, and prideful), he goes to the LORD for wisdom and guidance, takes His Word seriously, and is blessed as a result!

You have to use your imagination for this next part because this man is likened to the perfect tree. It's hefty in girth, reaches high toward the sky, and anchored sturdy on the bank of a stream with its roots dipped into the water. The branches are covered in deep green leaves and not one has a dry spot. Shiny golden fruit is evenly dispersed among the leaves and you find that it drips with a rich sweet nectar as you bite into the crisp outer layer...

Then you notice the wind blowing a tumbleweed nearby. With each bounce on the ground little bits of it break off. This dead and useless piece of foliage is as a wicked man.

What a stark contrast between the two men and the plants described! Note that the first man is said to be successful in everything and that the wicked are the opposite.

In the last bit the comparison continues in favour of the blessed man who is referred to as "righteous," which means, essentially, that he does what is right and that the wicked man's actions will end in death.

There was a lot said here but I know that I want to be blessed and that I need the LORD for that :). Praise Him for giving us His Word so that we may read it and learn to be righteous and richly blessed ultimately for His glory!

Carbonation

Many a beverage in the world today has what some call "pop," "soda," "soda pop," "sparkling" or "carbonated" water as a part of it's make-up. This stuff creates a "fizzy" sensation in one's mouth and throat as it is sipped or, in some cases, guzzled down. About 97% of the people I know enjoy carbonation and say it is the reason that they love certain drinks so much.

I simply don't understand the excitement and addiction that is associated with carbonated beverages. Like I must have a really rare and sensitive mouth condition or something because I hate fizz.

And yes, I've tried it many times for those of you who may think I'm judging without experience. Every now and again I'll have a sip of pop and am quickly reminded of why I passionately dislike it.

In the best way I can describe the way fizz feels when it hits my mouth... it burns like watching drops of water evaporate on contact in a heated fry pan. That may not make much sense but it burns, ok? Also it gets even worse if my stomach decides to send it back up because it re-burns my mouth and throat and gets my nasal passages involved too! Who wants to suffer through all that?

I realize that my experience is, as I mentioned before, extremely rare because 97% of the people I know really enjoy soda and often forget that I literally just can't even.

But I discovered recently that certain situations can influence me to attempt to enjoy carbonated drink. For example, if I've paid more than $5 for a drink at a restaurant and find out that it has some fizz in it, I will choke it down so that my money is not wasted. Another situation is when I've just met someone whom I am trying to impress and they are really excited to share their favourite soda pop with me, I will try my best to smile and, again, choke it down for the sake of being polite, but I will also commit to telling them my honest opinion of all things fizzy in hopes that I do not have to repeatedly face the awkwardness of being kindly offered something I hate.

"Clearly Canadian" is a type of sparkling water that has amazing flavour despite its stronger-than-your-average carbonation. I drank a whole bottle of the stuff the other day (wild cherry flavour) as an act of politeness because the person who offered it to me was extremely excited that they got to witness my first taste of this spectacular nostalgic beverage. Unfortunately it was painful as ever but I can almost say that the flavour was worth it though I will probably not be drinking another one unless my mouth and throat are numbed first. More for my friend I suppose :) because I still hate fizz.

Loud Cars

Many people drive loud vehicles whether by accident or on purpose. I'm exclusively referring to the sound of a roaring engine though pumping tunes can also be loud.

Engine-wise, my car has mostly been like a purring kitten. Even revving it doesn't make it much louder.

Though there was one time when the kitten spontaneously morphed into a roaring lion while I was driving one morning. I drove around the city in my lion for only two hours as I had figured out that the pipe connected to my muffler was severed and I had it fixed ASAP. It doesn't take much to turn a kitten into a lion.

I don't mind if other people drive loud cars, I just don't want to be one of them. It draws too much attention.

One of my friends drives a loud car, a mustang to be exact. It's engine roars everywhere it goes and the windows are tinted so that nobody can see the driver. I see and hear this car often because my friend lives near where I live. Last night it entered into my dreams...

In a house carved into a canyon lived a mom with her three kids and a golden retriever. Two of the kids were under the age of five, the youngest was still an infant. I was spending time with this young family, playing with the children while we waited for the oldest boy to come home. Mom was not worried, she carried on with life as if it happened all the time. They were used to the young-man being out and about. He was a busy boy after all. Soon the sun was setting and the mother offered me a place to sleep for the night. I graciously accepted and took my place in the front room on an air mattress, the dog curled up next to me. A loud ROAR awakened the house as a white mustang pulled up behind the house. The rock face was lowered and the car drove up into the hollow cave. I got up to greet the young man, who was wearing a backwards ball cap, his long hair resting on his shoulders clad in a dusty grey t-shirt and jeans. He seemed surprised to see me but he looked too tired to care. "Oh hi Jessica" is all he said. The next night he would be gone again, that was for sure. Mom just shook her head and said, "That's just the way things are. Now who wants some breakfast?" The little kids cheered excitedly as pancakes were plopped onto their plates. I quickly finished my plate and watched as the teen ate slowly. "Do you want to go for a drive?" he looked at me and I paused for a moment. "You're driving right?" I asked because I knew the mustang was a standard and I did not know how to drive one of those yet. "Of course! Now let's go!" I could hardly believe he had the energy when he jumped up, grabbed my arm, and raced toward the door...

It wasn't a very long dream, but I definitely could hear engines roaring outside as I slept which probably placed the car in my dream.

I don't fully understand what the thrill is in driving a loud car in the middle of the night, but there must be something to it because lots of people enjoy that sort of thing.

A Narrow Escape

It was a small gathering, about fifteen, at the old woman's tiny home in the shady neighbourhood. It seemed as though her house was a bit lighter than those situated nearby. The one-room bungalow's creamy yellow paint glowed in the summer sunset light whilst the other buildings sat in shadow. Of all the dwellings in the area, it didn't come as a shock that it was the target.

The purpose of the meeting had barely been stated when the attack started. A loud smash outside immediately alerted the group and one cautious peek at the front window was met with the exploding force of a baseball bat as the window shattered into a million shards on the floor allowing a man with elaborate tattoos on both arms to burst through with the weapon.

I wasn't even sure why I had come. All I can remember is that everyone who came to the meeting had one thing in common. We were all believers.

The person nearest to me was a girl with shoulder-length brown hair and deep brown eyes. She grabbed my arm and began to pull me toward the back door of the house. Upon reaching the exit I noticed that the other members of our group were frantically leaping out the other now broken windows in an attempt to escape the onslaught. The old woman was left behind.

We all drove here in separate vehicles and parked along both sides of the street. The girl pointed toward her black SUV while two of the attackers were slashing the tires and beating the 4x4 with bats. She hung her head and I noticed that they had not yet touched my car. As we tried to sprint toward the silver civic, the enemies reached it first and continued their abuse.

In my mind I thought all hope was lost as my friend and I began to run in the opposite direction of the chaos and soon discovered that we were being followed. The man with the tattooed arms was pursuing us as we scampered through the streets.

We were welcomed into an Indian bazaar filled with extravagant statues of all kinds lining the walls and shops as far as the eye could see glowing with brightly coloured pieces of clothing and trinkets of every kind. Our enemy had given up the chase for now.

Upon exiting the bazaar I spotted my car ahead and it looked intact. As we approached I noticed many scratches and it was clear that the mob had begun their destruction but then were distracted as the damage was minimal. I carefully opened the driver's side door and noticed that the car was stuffed with the remains of slashed tires. The girl and I worked quickly to throw out the debris and then drove off into the night...

Dreams often leave me with many questions. Like why did I dream that and what was it about? What happened to the old woman? Why was I involved in the meeting at her house? Who was the brown-haired brown-eyed girl with me? I don't reckon I'll ever find out but it all makes for a decent story starter!

Mere Christianity

If I thought I had a decent grasp on what I claim to believe as a Christian, this book by C.S. Lewis made me realize that I have a lot left to learn.

As I read it, one of the thoughts that kept plaguing my mind was if everyone I witnessed to read this book, maybe they would be more interested in becoming a Christian.

One of my co-workers asked me if I could lend him this book last year and after he finished reading it he said, "It actually made a lot of sense!"

I'm not sure if he made any life-altering decisions after reading Mere Christianity, but I know that he would have at least been forced to think more deeply about life.

Personally I think that everyone should read this book as it offers wise perspective on what life is about from the point of view of someone who was an atheist - turned - Christian.

While I would love to nicely summarize the entire book here in this post, I cannot. Even to choose a few quotes to comment on is a great challenge that I barely managed:

"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good."
From the time I was a small child I've tried to be as good as I can be but I am still not good. Though some people may think that I am good, that's by their own standards. God's standard of what is good is also holy and perfect. I cannot reach His standard on my own no matter how hard I try. Every truly good thing that I do is done with God's help because only He is truly good. I am faced every day with temptations that remind me that I am inherently bad and desperately in need of God's help to do what is right. (Luke 18:19)

"On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal."
I have to remember that the Christian life is hard because I am fighting against myself to follow God. When things are difficult, I need to remember that it is because God is taking me on a journey to perfection where I need trials to challenge me to be more patient, more loving, and to have more faith. (Philippians 1:6)

"If you are a nice person - if virtue comes easily to you - beware! Much is expected from those to whom much is given...But if you are a poor creature - poisoned by a wretched upbringing in some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels - saddled, by no choice of your own, with some loathsome sexual perversion - nagged day in and day out by an inferiority complex that makes you snap at your best friends - do not despair. He knows all about it. You are one of the poor whom He blessed."
I used to think that it was merely a simple choice to be nice or not. Even that everyone ought to be nice and that it wasn't necessarily easier for some than others. I have been dreadfully wrong. Though I am thankful that being nice has come easily to me, I am ashamed to admit that I have judged those who struggle with it; thinking that they were just nasty people by choice. Oh Lord help me to see that I need You more as I wrestle with my pride and fight against the temptation to judge those who find being nice difficult. Only You know what is going on in our hearts. (Luke 5:31-32)

If anyone would like to read this book, and I highly recommend that you do, here is a link to a pdf copy: http://www.samizdat.qc.ca/vc/pdfs/MereChristianity_CSL.pdf

Just Five Minutes

That is all it would take for me to keep my bedroom perfectly clean and organized.

I remember back when I was in high school and a guy from church was helping a friend and I figure out how to lead the christian club at school. Along with giving us some great Bible study and prayer time tips, he also offered us some advice regarding organization. He said, "Just five minutes is all it takes to keep your room clean. At the end of each day, set a timer for five minutes and spend it tidying up and I promise that your room will never be messy."

Before I go on a road trip with some friends, I need to clean my room. Not that it is terribly dirty or anything...I would call it strategically cluttered. Meaning that there are small piles of clutter around the room in places that are not in my way (this is key). Like there is a pile of stuff on the side of the bed I don't sleep on, books are in piles on the floor in front of my bookshelf, random papers are in a pile on my dresser with jewellery strewn atop and beneath, a grocery bag holding some candy is chillin in a corner on the floor, dirty clothes occupy another corner, I also definitely need to vacuum and dust everything. Though I can function in it, I definitely do not enjoy the current state of my room and would prefer to come home to a clean space.

Had I been following the "just five minutes" rule, cleaning my room would not be such a daunting task. Since I ran into the guy who gave me this advice at work today, I recalled his words of wisdom and now wish I had listened and took action to make it a habit back in high school to keep my room clean.

Now perhaps I will be motivated to put this into practice after I spend an hour cleaning and realize how much less exhausting "just five minutes" is. :)

Beg by Shane and Shane

So here I am one more day of not loving Him the way He asks,
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things that make me feel alright

So I'm sinking fast like a stone heart should and on the way down
I've done what I could to try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I'm haunted by my God who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion I cannot give

So I beg for You to move, I beg for You to move
I beg for You to break through

So here I am got my deeds for the day and all my cute little words of how I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love You with my mouth like a church kid should?
At the end of the day my words get burned as wood
Oh but I was good

I'm haunted by my God who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion I cannot give

So I beg for You to move, I beg for You to move
I beg for You to break through

These songs are noise in Your ears, a clanging drum
You want my love

Marathoner

It had been on my bucket list to run a full marathon (42.2km) by the time I turned 25, and I officially crossed it off on April 14th at approximately 11:01am for the 11th annual Look Gopher Attack Marathon.

So I guess you could call me a marathoner, but I probably won't run that distance again...at least not any time soon.

The main problem was that I did not train properly for this race, having only run about 12km as my longest run over the three months I was hoping to utilize prior to, and it became very clear to me during the last 15 or so km of the marathon that I should have taken the time to prepare or at least last-minute switched to run the half-marathon instead (as my mother earnestly prompted me to do).

Alas, it was too late. With only 15km left, there was no way I was quitting now. I was in for the long haul. You don't just run for three hours and give up with one more hour to go!

To describe what my body was telling me along the seemingly endless final 10000 meters would be extremely difficult because my mind was focused on pressing on rather than trying to discern what new muscles I was discovering as my feet continued to pound the pavement. All I knew was that I couldn't stop running because I had attempted to walk for a couple of seconds and quickly realized it was a poor choice by the way my legs instantly grew heavy and I had to work super hard to will them to run again.

My goal was to make it to church in time for the 11:30am Good Friday service, and I did. There is no mistaking the spiritual lessons I have learned from this experience.

Sin drags you down and makes you weary. It tears you away from the One who can give you the strength to carry on in life. Many times in my life I have been foolish. Giving in to my sin instead of trusting in the Lord enough to do His will instead of my own.

In my mind I know the truth, but I often live as though I do not believe it. Like knowing that I need to train hard to run a marathon race well, but not following through with it. Both have consequences of suffering.

In life, failing to fight the battle against sin leaves me numb, frustrated, confused, tired, and anxious while failing to train properly for a marathon leaves me very sore, tired, and weak.

There have been times that I doubted my faith just as there were times during the marathon that I thought I might not finish.

Friends, I have discovered that there is great reward and blessing in living God's way even though it is very hard at times as it is against our human nature. I have to consistently remind myself of His truth and press on in faith, knowing that His ways are perfect and are for my good.

May many say with Paul someday, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - 2 Timothy 4:7

Skinny Pig

I was at Petsmart with a friend innocently having fun peeking into the various cages and windows checking out the different kinds of pets throughout the store and we saw this...

My first thought was oh no! They've shaved a guinea pig! It must be sick...

I mean look at the poor thing! What a weird hair growth pattern...

My friend and I agreed that this little guy was quite like a house hippo (childhood commercial featured animal reminding us not to believe everything we see on TV) but not nearly as appealing to the eye. So what is this creature, you ask? Well, Petsmart gave us a handy description below...

Who knew these things existed? I really wish I got a video of some purring and dancing. Anyways, I'm discovering new things every day. God is super creative! 

I'm Not Perfect

...Which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone...

But to elaborate on that point, around this time last year I failed an exam (read about it here). 

At that time I was disappointed, felt sort of stupid, and I most definitely was more aware of my imperfections (I passed this time around though :) and I am thankful to the Lord for the success). 

Another situation hit me this week as I recognised that I am a hypocrite who claims to love Christ and yet fails to love others as I should. Without any sort of compassion, empathy, or love in mind I angrily texted a coworker and complained about something they failed to do properly at work. To make it even worse I even dared to brag about how I righted their wrong and was very prideful in it. There was nothing Christ-like behind what I said and did in this situation. Just pride and anger.

Now the Bible says a lot about pride and anger so I won't get into that too deeply. I'll just quote James 1:20 which says that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

Later on the next day I was reading in Ephesians 4 and was convicted by these words, "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love..." It was right before a young-adults leadership meeting at church that I read these verses and I began to think about my other leadership roles at church and at home and realised that, if I am not living the way a disciple of Christ should, I have to answer for that someday before the Lord and doubly for those who followed my bad example because they trusted me to lead them. There's a reason that James says, "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness." Yikes! I even wrote about leadership while I was in Bible College (read it here) so I know what is expected of me.

I'm not perfect, and I never will be by my own strength. I need help.

The Lord brought a song to my playlist this week that took my thinking a step further...

Perfect by Tedashii

You don't know what I been through

Don't judge me cuz' you got a past too

I know you don't know

But He knows, He knows, He knows

Yeah, they ruin the view, you watching this

Say, I'm doin' a fool and it's obvious

Say, I'm losing it too like property

They ruin my mood with this gossiping

Hating this, in the heat of the moment where Satan is

Accusing me of nothing that's a bait and switch

Making this hard for a person in this place to live

My God, I'm working like I ain't got nothin'

Carrying a load you might drop something

And you can't hide so stop frontin'

"I got it," that's a lie that we tell ourselves and I guess that it's hard for you to ask for help

But in that moment that's when you fail

One slip and they judging with a standard like they ain't done nothin'

I make no excuse but I refuse to lose to some dudes without a clue of what I've been through

From where I'm coming, no lie I should've been done in

I'm working at it I ain't perfect at it and I say this every time

You don't know what I been through

Don't judge me cuz' you got a past too

I know you don't know

But He knows, He knows, He knows

I ain't perfect, but I'm working

I ain't perfect, but I'm working

I ain't perfect

I know you don't know 

But He knows, He knows, He knows

I'm supposed to be dead and gone in a catacomb like Rome

Out of range trying to use my phone, Hello

No tone, left alone like I lost my arm

But I'm up in the air like the top of your home with a bird's eye view

Watching these people saying words not true

Accusing me, they abusing me, yeah truthfully I don't have the time to be worried about you man

Naw, Oh Lord

People playing games with no ball

No rules in this so they losing it and they don't know the score at all

Consider my life they don't

Believe me I'm only human, they won't

But no matter their lies, I won't compromise

Everyday for your boy it's on

Man I promise, I'm honest

I shoot em straight but they really don't want it

Ya they taunt me then flaunt it

I've been dealing with this for the longest

Ya I doubt I'm the strongest

But in Him when I'm weak I'm stronger

I'm working at it, I ain't perfect at it

And I say this every time

You don't know what I been through

Don't judge me cuz' you got a past too

I know you don't know

But He knows, He knows, He knows

I ain't perfect, but I'm working

I ain't perfect, but I'm working

I ain't perfect

I know you don't know 

But He knows, He knows, He knows

My shoes ain't your shoes

So don't try to judge me

Just deal with your issues

Take a look in the mirror

What you judging for?

Take a look in the mirror

Cause you never know 

How you affect the next person with your comments

After hearing that song I had so many mixed emotions because I know that I have both judged others and been judged by others and have participated in a lot of damaging gossip. I want to change and be changed to better reflect the love of Christ in my life, and I need His help and the help of others to do it. 

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." - 2 Timothy 2:22

Tomorrow is a new day. Praise the Lord for His steadfast love, mercy, and faithfulness toward us despite our sin!

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'" - Lamentations 3:22-24

When I'm Tired

Lots of things happen when I'm tired, and I am tired often.
I actually sort of go through various "stages of tired" and each stage is very unique.

1. In-the-morning Stage - Grogginess is a state of being dazed and weakened, which describes me in the morning if I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep. As you can imagine I yawn a lot and am what some would describe as "slower-than-usual" when I'm in this stage.

2. Mid-afternoon Stage - This one typically hits me if I am bored and have been active for most of the morning. I feel as though I could nap on cue and yawning is almost constant. If the surrounding environment is warm and the sun is shining, a siesta could spontaneously commence.

3. Late-night Stage 1 - Around 10pm is when I should be in bed, and for good reason because I get weird in this stage. Though I may seem "out-of-it" at this point, my seemingly high energy level masks the fact that I'm tired. I'd call this the most fun tired stage because (as my friends have stated) I'm hyper-hilarious and entertaining.

4. Late-night Stage 2 - Can start anytime between 10-11 and this is the worst stage. I'm known by many people for maintaining a fairly positive attitude most of the time and this stage would be an exception. I get irritable and find it difficult to be kind to those who would tease me as I am easily worked up during this stage. Don't poke the bear.

5. Late-night Stage 3 - Usually after 11, I've been told that I'm not allowed to drive if I reach this stage as some have described me as "drunk-but-not." Almost completely crashed, perhaps staggering around and not making much, if any, sense at all.

If I need a sudden burst of energy, caffeine gets me going really fast. But if I have time, twenty minutes worth of vigorous exercise gives me a boost of positive energy that lasts for a few hours.

The ultimate antidote to my tiredness is sleep and I am rarely offended if someone tells me to go to bed. After all, the Bible says, "It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep." - Psalm 127:2

With church ministries, nursing school, and work I am quite busy and often tired. I am still learning to make sleep a priority in order for my mind and body to be in a state that will bring God the most glory and I pray that He will teach me and help me to discipline myself in this area for His Name's sake.

The Bible

Within it's pages, the Bible makes a lot of bold claims about itself.

Take Matthew 24:35 for example, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."

Also 2 Timothy 3:16-17, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."

Then 2 Peter 1:19-21 says, "And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone's own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit."

Also look at Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." 

So, if you're tracking with me, we've read that the Bible is the everlasting Word of God and we would do well to pay attention to what it says because it is spoken from God and has surpassing power in our lives.

There were times and still are times in my life when I question what the Bible says and struggle with doubt. What does God say to me during these times?

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing." - James 1:19-25

"Whoever says 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected." - 1 John 2:4-5

If I believe God is who He says He is, I need to humble myself before the truth and choose to persevere in faith because He is the Lord.

No other religious writings can compare with the Word of God. In fact, "other alleged divine writings are not from God because they are not part of the Bible" - Bodie Hodge (read more here).

God even lays out as part of the qualifications for elders in the church, "He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it" (Titus 1:9) as many writings today, specifically religious or not, contradict what God says.

One of my friends told me that I should read the Apocrypha (other Jewish books not included in the Bible) and I was not sure how I should respond. So I did some research (read this) and decided that I would refrain for now. Though many internet opinions would say that Christians should read the Apocrypha for any number of reasons, I appreciated that one guy said, "We should not read them for theological information. They are not inspired and we have everything we need in the Bible. We should read them to better understand the Judaism of the first century." The rest of the post can be found here.

If I was to read any other religious books, it would have to be for the sole purpose of ministry. To get on a level of understanding so that I could have meaningful conversations with people from other religious backgrounds for example. 

Maybe...

Then maybe not... 

I am reminded of a story told me by another friend whose mother obtained a copy of the Koran to read in order to help her minister to others. Though her intentions were pure, she found that even having the book in her house caused notable spiritual distress and she decided to destroy it.

So why not let those who have already read their religious books tell you about them rather than delving in yourself? Personally I think that would be a better way to build relationships for ministry.

I have read many books in my lifetime and probably will read many more. Both secular and Christian, fiction and non-fiction. But I know that I need to read them carefully and have biblical truths in mind to keep myself from being deceived because the Bible is the only perfectly trustworthy book in the world that was written with absolutely pure motives for the good of all who would read it. 

So why not read the Bible?

Some Favourite Photos

In no particular order I have chosen some of my personal faves from my archives from the past ten or so years and am reminded of how amazing our God is as He created everything we see :)

Of fear and little brothers...Part 3

I was about 18 and I was in what my family calls "the cold room" which was named according to the simple fact that it is always cold in there. This particular day I was trying to aid my mother in organizing our house little bit and I decided that the cold room needed some attention. Though it is not a very large room, about 5' x 5' in area, it was full of children's goodies (books and toys mostly) just tossed carelessly about the place. In order to organize this room, which smelled quite dank due to the sewer pipe access located just under the carpet in the middle of the floor, I had to duck under the 5' high door frame multiple times as I sought to remove every item from the room. As the floor became more and more visible, I noticed that there was a small crack between the wall and the carpet. Now, because the cold room is in the corner of our basement, it is not uncommon to discover many different types of tiny multiple legged beings crawling into the house through cracks in the foundation. Bugs are not my favourite things, and they likely never will be. As I lifted a book from the corner, I caught a glimpse of twenty or so tiny-but-larger-than-expected legs reaching out across the carpet from the crack at the bottom of the wall and I decided that I needed someone else to help me clear out the rest of the room. Enter 8 year old Daniel. Before you assume that I am a terrible big sister, I did tell him about the giant centipede legs prior to his entrance to the room to commence continued removal of the goodies. He behaved as any nervous person would and kept a close watch on the corner where I had spotted the centipede while he bravely picked up toys and handed them out to me. Then I saw something on the wall outside the cold room that caused me to scream involuntarily. My poor little brother interpreted my scream as "OH NO! THERE'S THE CENTIPEDE!" (which was not what I had intended to communicate) and he leaped out of the room with tears streaming down his face. My scream was solely in response to a spider (my irrational fear) so I quickly apologized and directed his attention toward the beast. He quickly wiped away his tears, grabbed a book and killed the spider on my behalf.

I am thankful that my brothers are brave and also willing to rescue me from spiders because I literally just can't even. If I see one I'm instantly either frozen, jumping, shaking, screaming, or a combination of those reactions. The rational thinking portion of my brain turns off and I search for a way out of the situation. Either I call out for help from the nearest human being, run away, or just sit and stare at the spider if it is in my room because I don't want to lose track of it lest it sneak up on me again later.

Other people have found this fear of mine to be rather entertaining as they have watched my various reactions to spider encounters, some of which they have initiated. I try not to hold grudges and Jesus has forgiven me so I have since forgiven these people for intentionally taking advantage of me (some multiple times) and then making fun of me for "overreacting." I don't consider it an overreaction because I don't react intentionally. My body kicks into flight mode and that's that. And no, it doesn't matter how big the spider is. They all have the same effect. But I think I'm getting better at reacting less or at least appropriately given the circumstances.

Just yesterday morning at about 6:30am (most of my family is still sleeping at this time) I was just about to turn on the water to shower when a spider crawled out of the drain. I gasped and leaped out of the tub and thought about what to do. I considered waking up Alexander because his room was about 20ft away and he would probably respond the fastest, but then I thought that would be rude. So without waking up anybody else, I thought of my own solution that would keep me a reasonable distance away from the creep. Don't judge me too harshly but I drowned it in the tub, running the water for an extra five minutes after it went down the drain just to make sure it didn't come back up. I later that day told my dad about my dilemma and mentioned that I had considered waking someone up to help me and he said, "Well it's a good thing you didn't get me because I hate those things too!"

My closest friends have told me that I need to marry someone that isn't afraid of spiders. I agree.

Integrity

Defined by the dictionary, integrity is "adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty."

The Bible says that, "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out." - Proverbs 10:9

I want to be someone who has integrity, no matter how hard it may be to humble myself and surrender to the Lord in order to maintain it.

Today my integrity was challenged as I considered a blog post that I had written about six months ago regarding texting (read it here) and I was prodded by the Holy Spirit to take action. It was not easy as it required me to surrender something I enjoyed but, in order to preserve my integrity and the other person's reputation, I had to give it up.

There is a reason why I don't give my cell phone number to guys anymore. It only serves to tempt me to seek after attention and then get attached and hurt later because of my own stubborn selfish pride when I give in. Also, the other person involved is not exempt from the same types of temptation and potential hurt.

In the past I have made many excuses for texting the opposite gender all the while knowing that something was wrong in my heart. I would say things like, "We're just friends, and it's not like I'm flirting with him!" "He's always the first one to send a text so maybe it means he likes me and will ask me out!" "I'm just giving him good advice and encouragement as a sister-in-Christ!" "What could be wrong with harmless conversations?"

Ladies, in order to preserve your hearts, do not fool yourselves and give in to the temptation to text a man you are not related to (unless it is strictly for informational purposes or he is your significant other) because, speaking from experience, it distracts you from your relationship with God, disrupts relationships with other people, and could end up leading to heartbreak down the road.

"May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you." - Psalms 25:21

"Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering." - Psalms 26:1

May these verses reflect prayers from my heart as I continue to seek the Lord and surrender my life to Him day by day as He draws me closer to Himself.

"Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul." - Psalm 86:4

Be Still by Jeremy Camp

Lord help me now to face this battle.
My strength has failed and my eyes can't see through the waves of doubt that take me under.
In the chaos I hear You speak.

Be still and know that You are my God.
Be still and know that You are enough.
Though my heart is racing, still You're in control.
Be still and know that You are my God.

You brought me rest in times of struggle.
I lay my head down at Your feet.
The storm in me that I can't wrestle is calmed when I hear You speak.

You are faithful and Your love endures forever.
Yes, Your love endures forever.
You are able.
In You I stand forever.
Yes, in You I stand forever.

Be still and know that You are my God.

Relationship Talk

One of my friends, in a conversation regarding her blooming relationship, recently said to me, "Jess, I never thought that I would be pursued by a godly man! It's so exciting!" I agreed with her and voiced my approval of the man who is pursuing her.

Though I am very excited for my friend, a place in my heart begs the question, "What about me?"

Now it's not that I haven't experienced a relationship with a godly man; it's just that nothing has worked out thus far and there is still a desire in my heart for marriage though I am content in Christ in my singleness. But there are principles that I keep in mind when faced with relationship decisions.

1. Ladies, if you want a godly man to really pursue you, wait.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the LORD." - Proverbs 18:22

- Though I did not go to Bible College to get a boyfriend, it happened. But the way it happened was not ideal. I took control and expressed interest in a guy and then waited for his response for over two weeks which was, "Why not?" Those words should have raised red flags but good feelings clouded my view and I leaped into the relationship with excitement...only to be greatly disappointed when I later realized that he was not nearly as excited as I was and we eventually broke up.

- A friend whose wedding I participated in as a bridesmaid was obviously pursued by her husband right from the start. He noticed her at a young adults event at church, made his move that night, and has been pursuing her ever since.

- It makes sense that if a godly guy wants to pursue you, he will. You won't have to drop hints or make moves to express your interest. Also, Lord willing, it will happen!

- Many single ladies struggle with waiting because we may have our eye on a particular guy and it can be really tempting to try and make him aware of our interest but it is far better to be patient than desperate. Don't make marriage an idol.

2. Ladies, not all men who pursue you are godly.

"But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." - 1 Samuel 16:7

- I acknowledge that it is sometimes really hard to reject a man who wants to pursue you, especially if he is good looking and seems to have a great personality because it feels really good to be liked. But if you have doubt regarding his faith, it is in your best interest to politely decline his pursuit.

- Having been set up by one of my friends with a guy who I found to be quite physically attractive and, after two dates where he and I discussed our faith in depth, I ended up rejecting him as it became clear that he had a weak commitment to the Lord.

- Let this be a test of your own faith: if you are claiming commitment to Jesus Christ first and foremost, do not allow a man to pursue you in a dating relationship unless you are certain that Jesus is his first priority.

3. Ladies, let other people help you along in this journey!

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" 
- Jeremiah 17:9
"Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." 
- Proverbs 11:14

- This world would tell you to "listen to your heart" when it comes to making decisions about relationships but God would tell you to seek wisdom outside of yourself because, let's face it, emotions cloud our better judgement. I know this from personal experience.

- I have promised myself and my dad that I will not marry someone that he does not approve of. No matter how much my heart may try to sway me, I pray that I can keep that promise. The fact is, my dad knows me better than most people and is a very wise and godly man in the eyes of many including myself. It would be foolishness for me to not heed his counsel in this area of my life. I can also recall how he has protected me and given me great advice in the past and I have not regretted listening to him.

- Many of you ladies may not have a dad like mine but hopefully you have other godly men and women to whom you can go for counsel. The best relationships are grown in community where many people can observe you and help you along the way.


Heavenly Father,

I am thankful that You are sovereign over all and love us deeply in a way that we cannot comprehend. We are weak and I confess that I have not held You above all else in my life. Help us to surrender our hearts to You and to trust in You completely. Make us long for Your will to be done on earth before our own. May we know the depths of Your love and align our hearts with Yours that You may be glorified in and through us. Give us wisdom in our relationships that we may reflect Your love. All the glory belongs to You.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

The Cause of Christ by Kari Jobe

The only thing I want in life is to be known for loving Christ.

To build His church, to love His bride and make His name known far and wide.

For this cause I live.

For this cause I'd die.

I surrender all for the cause of Christ.

All I once held dear I will leave behind for my joy is this, oh, the cause of Christ.

He is all my soul will prize regardless of the joy or trial.

When agonizing questions rise, in Jesus all my hope abides.

Jesus, my Jesus.

For Your glory, for Your name.

Jesus, my Jesus.

I will only sing Your praise.

It is not fame that I desire, nor stature in my brother's eye.

I pray it's said about my life that I lived more to build Your name than mine.

Draining

Have you ever watched a bathtub drain? It takes a long time usually, especially if the drain is clogged up with copious amounts of hair from many a dog bath...

Anyways, I felt like my energy level (which is usually really high) was drained to an all-time low this past Thursday storm-drain style.

Now that I know how draining it can be to care for people in need, I've developed some tips for the future to help me preserve my energy and care more effectively.

1. Trust in the Lord 

 - It is impossible for anyone to know exactly what they need spiritually at any given time, only God knows that and so we must trust in Him to guide us in our care for others and ourselves

"for your Father knows what you need before you ask him." - Matthew 6:8b

2. Point them to Jesus

- He is what everyone really needs and until they acknowledge Him as Lord, He will never be their Saviour

"because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." - Romans 10:9

3. Ask for advice

- Sometimes when we don't know how to care for people, it is helpful to reach out to others for insight

"Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed." - Proverbs 15:22

4. Know when to quit

- I acknowledge the fact that sometimes you can't quit caring for someone (take marriage as an example), but there are times when you have to back away due to excessive drainage caused by sin

"As for a person that stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned." - Titus 3:10-11

Happy National Hug-a-Single Day!

That was the subject of one of the many spam emails that float into my inbox on a regular basis. At first I was confused. What is "National Hug-a-Single Day"? Then it hit me. Today is Valentine's Day.

I've had many great Valentine's Days in the past and, for most of them, I've been single. All in all, I have nothing to complain about because I enjoy being single and it means that there is no pressure for me to do anything out-of-the-ordinary today. To me, Valentine's Day is a day when I get to ponder love and eat more chocolate than usual :). 

I've already written a post about singleness here so I won't go super into detail about it but I wanted to comment a little bit about how our world pities those of us who don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or partner of some kind. "National Hug-a-Single Day" implies that people who are single, such as myself, need a hug today, which could be legit (read more here) or not. Perhaps because we should be wallowing in self-pity because we have nobody "special" to love us or show love to and therefore require a hug to comfort us. I challenge this thinking because I know I am loved first and foremost by my heavenly Father and also by many people in my life and I don't feel as though I need a "special someone" all to myself to make me feel content or more loved. Plus my parents got me chocolate today so I don't feel left out ;).

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 

- 1 Corinthians 13

Sprinkles

There it was, sitting on a plate on the counter, chopped into two pieces, one smaller than the other, sprinkles and all.

I had just finished eating supper and thought the small cupcake would make a good dessert so I didn't hesitate to pick up the smaller portion (in an attempt to be generous) and gobble it down.

It tasted like a vanilla cupcake with sprinkles, as expected, except the texture was very crunchy.

A couple of minutes later my sister went over to the plate and said, "Where did the other half of Maggie's treat go? Did someone eat it?"

...Oops.

Maggie, in case you did not know, is my dog (Read more about her here).

I admitted to consuming the treat but was relieved that nobody witnessed the event as I had gobbled that "pupcake" down quickly without a second thought. In my defense, there was nothing stopping me from eating it and it was also just chilling on a plate on the counter, sprinkles and all, begging me to eat it.

My parents were not surprised that it was me and they had a good laugh over it all. Apparently I have a habit of just eating without thinking. Something I need to correct, and fast, before I eat any more sprinkled dog treats.

Poor Maggie only got half of her "pupcake" and I felt a little bad because, in all honesty, it tasted pretty good and I am very thankful for that :).

Mistakes were made today but I am not the only human who has enjoyed a dog treat in my family...

One day I came home from work and my brother Landon ran up to me and asked me to dare him to eat one of Maggie's treats (which were Soft Milk Bone Beef).

I thought it was weird that he would want me to dare him with such urgency but I said, "Sure, I dare you to eat one of those."

"I'll eat two!" He shouted as he shoved two beefy treats into his mouth.

Mom came into the kitchen and said, "Hey! I told you to stop eating Maggie's treats!"

The little stinker...

...at least I'm not alone :).

The Family

Someone asked me at our Young Adults Bible study last night if myself and one of the guys we were talking with were related. I told her that I was an adopted member of his family, which is sort of true and totally awesome.

It all began back when one of the brothers from the family (there are 11 kids in total) moved to Regina with his wife and my parents quickly befriended them. I joined a co-ed soccer team with them and played a few seasons before heading out of town to Bible College.

A couple of years later, I was at home from Bible College during Christmas break and I realised that my flight was scheduled to bring me back to school two days before it was going to be open again for the next semester. Then my parents discovered that the family lived near the small town where my Bible College was and so it was offered that I stay with them for the weekend until the school was open.

To be honest, I was super nervous about this. I had never met the family and I did not even know what they looked like. All I was told was that they were very nice people. So I got off the plane hoping that they would know who I was, and they did!

Making a good impression quickly became my goal as I knew that the family was solid in their faith and had raised their kids really well (the previously mentioned brother and his wife as well as another brother had moved to Regina and I noted that they are all people of good character).

After spending some quality time meeting more of the family and playing pool, ticket-to-ride, and "power Uno" (the family's own invention), I was invited to "Wing's Night" where we ate many chicken wings and watched She's the Man together. I also attended church with the family and got to witness their great musical talent and engage in some theological discussion during Sunday school. I'll never forget those first moments I spent with the family because I did not feel like a stranger at all.

They later dropped me off at school and I was known as "that girl" to the family for a while after that until the family moved to Regina and now they know my name (except some of them are trying to get one of the grandkids to call me "Kevin" just to bug me because he is the only two-year-old I know who can pronounce my name properly). I also get to see them on a regular basis at church and on the soccer field as I have been a part of what is known as the family's team due to the fact that most of the team is official family.

All that to say, we go way back and I am always treated like part of the family any time I am around them (teasing and all) and I am very honoured to be known as an adopted member. :) 

Without You by Jeremy Camp

I'll walk beside You
As You lead me through still waters for my soul
I place my hope in all You are, yeah

And I know You'll guide me
To places where there's beauty to behold
There's no other place I'd rather be, no

Cause I've been down the other road
Where fear and doubt
They take control
And I won't go there anymore

And I won't make a move
Without You
I won't make a move
Without You
Right by my side
So I will wait for You
To lead me to
Any place where You need
I won't make a move
Without You

I've walked through the fire
And every step You never left my side
In You is where my help comes from, yeah

Cause You lead, I'll follow
No matter if the places seem so cold
My heart's desire is You Lord, yeah

And I've been down the other road
Where fear and doubt
They take control
And I won't go there anymore

And I won't make a move
Without You
I won't make a move
Without You
Right by my side
And I will wait for You
To lead me to
Any place where You need
I won't make a move
Without You

And I'm letting go
I give You control
It's not my will
But Yours I'll follow

And I lay my life
Down at Your feet
And I know

I won't make a move
Without You
I won't make a move
Without You
Right by my side
And I will wait for You
To lead me to
Any place where You need
I won't make a move
Without You

Take my heart, it's Yours
Your hand, I'll hold
You lead, I'll go
And I won't make a move, no

God Will Provide

He always has provided for me.

Even things that I did not need or expect, extra blessings on the side.

There are times, however, when God provides discipline. Something that is hard to be thankful for.

I unexpectedly got sent home from work today. Though I understand that my employer does not want to waste money (who would?), I know that I enjoy working with people and I did not realize that my boss did not want me to partner up with my coworkers to accomplish the day's tasks as it appears to him that more talking than work is happening. Now I understand what my boss expects of me and I will work hard to make it right in the future. Sometimes I have to learn lessons the hard way and thankfully it promotes character growth.

I hold myself to the standards of God and therefore I try to work hard no matter what. The tasks that I am given I complete quickly and efficiently because I know that God is watching me and I work for Him first and foremost. It's time to step it up another notch.

"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality." - Colossians 3:23-25

This month I can tell that God has been working in my heart, humbling me in little ways. He is calling me to love others and to keep myself accountable to His truth when I am tempted to judge. The journey has been hard lately but I know that God is always at work and will continue to draw me closer to Himself. A good father disciplines his children, and God is my good Father.

"Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the LORD your God disciplines you. So you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God by walking in his ways and by fearing him." - Deuteronomy 8:5-6

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights." - Proverbs 3:11-12

"Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves; therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal." - Job 5:17-18

Anxious and Fearful

Something I have discovered very recently that I do not cope well with at extreme levels is anxiety.

It is a nasty thing that throws life off balance and causes you to question absolutely everything because your mind is fighting to find both a reason and a solution for your chaotic fearfulness.

Anxiety related to life circumstances would be my nursing diagnosis for the past two weeks of my life. 

There were nights when I had trouble sleeping because I was trembling and my mind refused to be put at ease because I was sinking into a dark pool of anxious thoughts and fears.

Also, just having started a new semester of school with three classes, one of which being the one I failed last year, I am finding myself a little more than a bit overwhelmed with fear sometimes. 

Fear of failure.

But, when I break it down in my mind, it looks more like this:

- my instructors will think I am incompetent

- my peers will think I am stupid

- my family will be disappointed in me

- my friends will wonder what I am doing with my life

- everyone will think I have wasted so much time and money

All of those can be summarized together ultimately as fear of man.

Then, when God reminds me what life is really about, my mind is put at ease by the truth:

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" - Psalm 27:1

"I sought the LORD and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." - Psalm 34:4

"The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" - Psalm 118:6

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." - Proverbs 12:25

"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe." - Proverbs 29:25

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" - Matthew 6:27

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself." - Matthew 6:34

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." - Matthew 10:29-31

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." - 2 Timothy 1:7

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of Gd so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:6-7

There is no freedom from being anxious and fearful apart from my Lord. May He continually remind me that my life is meant to bring Him glory no matter what may happen. He is in control and I need to choose to trust in Him when life circumstances begin to breed fear and anxiety within me.

An excellent resource on this topic can be found here.

Unequally Yoked

This post was inspired by a question I have been asked many times but once again most recently in conversation with a co-worker this past week, "Why won't you consider a romantic relationship with a man who does not believe the same things as you?"

In one sense, the answer is quite simple. But it prompts further explanation for those who do not share the same perspective as I do.

The first thing that I have to be clear about is that I am a Christian. I have a relationship with God and I believe what the Bible says is absolutely true. This means that I try to live my life in obedience to what God says and so proclaim that Jesus is Lord over all. In the world, my perspective puts me in a minor category as not many people share my beliefs though lots will claim that they do (read my previous post on the topic here).

That being explained leads me to move onto what the Bible says about dating or marrying someone who is not a Christian.

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, 'I will make my dwelling among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.'" - 2 Corinthians 6:14-17

As I see the Bible as the authoritative source of truth in my life, I take what it says seriously. This passage explains that, as a believer in Christ and child of God, I have no partnership with those who do not believe. We would not have common life purpose, perspective, or goals, and that would create a lot of conflict and therefore a rather restless relationship. Also, I personally would ultimately be disobeying God which would damage my relationship with Him and I have no interest in doing that.

I have made mistakes in the past by entertaining relationships with men whom I would not "officially" date as I knew they were not Christians (or a believer not yet at a point in their faith to lead me) but I would give them hope by setting standards that they could meet to eventually win me over because I liked the attention, was attracted to their looks and/or personality, and honestly thought they had potential to be a good match for me as my husband in the future. I was selfish and I have left behind a trail of hurt and confusion.

One of my best friends told me something I will never forget. She said, "Jessica, every man has potential." I never considered this before and it will affect the way I respond to men who are interested in me in the future.

Lesson learned: If a man asks me out and I have any doubt about his beliefs or spiritual maturity (assuming I already know him), despite how attractive I might find him otherwise, I have a duty to say "no" for his good and mine.

Let It Be Jesus by Christy Nockels

Let it be Jesus
The first name that I call
Let it be Jesus
My song inside the storm
I'll never need another

For me, to live is Christ
For me, to live is Christ
God I breathe Your name above everything
Let it be, let it be Jesus

Let it be Jesus
From the rising of the sun
Let it be Jesus
When all is said and done
I'll never need another, Jesus there's no other

Should I ever be abandoned
Should I ever be acclaimed
Should I ever be surrounded by the fire and the flame
There's a name I will remember
There's a name I will proclaim
Let it be, Let it be Jesus
Let it be, Let it be my Jesus

"I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the LORD: 'O LORD, I pray, deliver my soul!' Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you. For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling; I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living." - Psalm 116:1-9